Down But Not Defeated
by idmakeitbehave
Summary: What was it like to trust someone? She wished that she could remember, but the past had ruined that. Would this new mystery man prove to be different, or was he like the one before him?  Reid/OC
1. Chapter 1

_**Sara**_

I threw my head back on the couch and looked up at the cracked popcorn ceiling. "What the hell should I do today?" I sighed, gazing over to the pile of boxes that still needed to be unpacked.

I had just moved to Virginia from Connecticut. From one boring place to another as I liked to think. Oh well, at least I had finally graduated. Only a few more days until I started college, majoring in criminology. At least something was exciting.

Not wanting to unpack, I got up and searched for something else to do.

Ah ha! Light bulb! I still needed to buy textbooks! Of course I would put that off until the last minute. I pulled my jeans on and laced up my battered Converse that I refused to throw away.

"At least I don't have to listen to Mom telling me to get rid of them anymore" I thought to myself.

I looked out the window and saw sun. Finally, something better than Connecticut weather. I threw on one of the Beatles t-shirts lying on the floor and grabbed my car keys.

"'Ello Sara!" yelled Mr. Bennet, the baker across the street. "Good to see you out and about finally."

"Don't count on it happening too much Mr. B. Classes start soon."

"Oh what I would give to be so young again, so much freedom."

I waved goodbye and hopped into the driver's seat of my yellow Volkswagen Bug that had been in my family for years. The semi-ancient car sputtered to life and I drove slowly down the street in the midst of all the traffic.

"For such a boring place they have a lot of cars" I muttered as I turned the corner to the used bookshop.

"Hopefully they have all of my textbooks. I'm screwed if they don't."

After what seemed like hours of driving, I parked my car and got out, pulling out my list of textbooks.

"Hi Mrs. Friar, good to see you again," I said to the cheerful woman behind the counter. Mrs. F was one of the first people I met when I moved to Virginia.

"Hello Sara, here for some more reading?" she asked pleasantly.

"Unfortunately no, I have to buy my college books. Hopefully I can buy real ones if I'm not completely broke after that."

"Oh, well the textbooks are over there-good luck," she replied, pointing towards the corner of the store.

I made my way through aisles crowded with books and finally turned the corner. It was dark and dusty, as if no one had been there for a while.

"Great. I'm sure they'll be here." I said sarcastically.

I scanned the books slowly, trying to find the ones I needed.

"Criminal Law, Psychology, and Intro to Law Enforcement. I need them." I muttered under my breath.

I examined the textbooks, getting more and more disappointed.

"Math Analysis, Biochemistry, World Literature. Oh my god, I don't need any of these!" I exclaimed with frustration.

Finally I walked over to the small dusty corner and my eyes lit up.

"Criminal Law! Yes! I found one!"

I guess I got a little too excited because I picked the book up and it promptly fell out of my hand with a thud.

"You alright in there?" called Mrs. Friar from the front desk.

"Sorry, Mrs. F., I dropped a book." I replied quickly as I picked it back up.

"Okay, let me know if you need any help."

"Will do."

I eagerly flipped through the contents of the textbook. Just what I needed! I guess my luck wasn't so bad after all.

After a few more minutes of perusing, I found a Psychology book, but I just could not find the last one that I needed.

"Hey, Mrs. F., do you have any Intro to Law Enforcement textbooks?" I asked as I exited the quiet corner of books.

"I'm not sure honey, let me go ask my husband-he knows the store better than I do," she responded and proceeded to go upstairs to where she and Mr. Friar lived.

"Di-did you say Law Enforcement?" asked a shy voice from behind me.

I turned around and saw a gorgeous man standing there. I mean, he was model pretty, with brown eyes and short, wavy hair. Why weren't there more guys like this?

"Uh-uh yeah, only the Intro though, I'm just a freshman this year." I replied, trying not to stumble over my words.

"I studied that too, I probably still have my textbooks if you want them," he said quietly.

"Oh, you don't have to, I'm sure Mrs. F. has some," I responded, not wanting to scare away this beautiful man.

At that moment Mrs. Friar walked back downstairs, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry dear, we don't have any of those," she said.

"Okay, thanks anyways. I'll take the other two then."

She began to ring them up and I turned to the mysterious guy. "I guess I could take you up on that offer. My name's Sara Felding," awkwardly sticking out my hand.

He grabbed my hand gently and shook it. I couldn't help but be amazed at how nice his hands were, as I tried to keep my cool.

"I'm Spencer Reid."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Spencer**_

I tried not to lose it as I thought about that beautiful girl in the store with me. What the heck was I doing? I had no business talking, much less _flirting,_ with her. Why would she like me? I'm a geek, and she's… well she's different.

I waited for her to pay for the two textbooks and then she turned to me again.

"Are you sure you want to give me your textbooks? I mean, you might need them or something."

"U-uh no, I have an eidetic memory, so there's no use in keeping them," I replied quickly. A second later, all I could think was "Oh crap!" I just told her about one of the biggest turn offs in history. No girl wants a nerd, especially one like me.

"You have an eidetic memory? That is _so _cool! I always wished I had one," Sara enthused eagerly.

"R-really? Most girls just think I'm a loser," I replied slowly.

"Come on, how could someone think you're a loser? I've known you for what, five minutes? And I already think you're pretty awesome."

"Actually it's been seven minutes and thirty-two seconds."

"See? That is just amazing, not loser-ish at all," she replied as she took my hand and led me to her car.

Even from halfway down the block I could tell which one was hers. It was the old yellow Volkswagen Bug. It just oozed her cheerful personality.

She opened the trunk and put the books in. "I'll drive us, since you're doing me such a favor-if that's okay with you."

"Sure, I'll tell you where to go."

Nine minutes and forty-seven seconds later we pulled up to my apartment.

"Wow, you live really close to me! I can't believe we've never met before."

"My job keeps me moving around a lot, but I'm here whenever we're done with a case."

"Oh a case? So you put those Criminal Law classes into good use then?" she laughed as she got out of the car.

"Of course. I'm on the third floor, we'll have to go up this way," I replied as I dug through my pockets for my key.

_**Sara**_

What was I doing? Going up to some random guy's apartment? Hadn't I learned my lesson with Jesse? I tried to shake him from my mind as I concentrated on Spencer's face as he pressed the elevator button. For some reason it felt different, like I could trust him.

We got off the elevator and he turned left. "Okay, it's right here."

I followed him into one of the neatest apartments I had ever seen.

"You actually live here?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I'm kind of a neat freak along with the whole eidetic memory thing."

"My mother used to beg me to keep my room half as clean as this, but it never worked."

My eyes scanned the room as I saw shelf after shelf of books with a pile of picture of frames next to them. I walked over to them, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Is it okay if I look at these?" I asked, not wanting to stick my nose where it didn't belong.

"U-uh okay, I'll go look for the textbooks," he said almost nervously. He left the room and I picked up the first frame. In it was a PhD. Underneath it was another. And another.

What? He couldn't be old enough to have three PhDs! I looked up at the shelves of books and saw titles in languages that I couldn't even begin to understand.

"You're a genius aren't you?" I called into the other room.

Spencer walked in with a pile of textbooks that he could barely see over. He put them down with a thud and looked up at me.

"I always get asked that," he sighed.

"Oh… I'm sorry I'm annoying," I said quietly as I turned back to the shelves.

"No, it's just that everyone treats me differently because of my I.Q."

"Well, I'll treat you just like any guy if that makes you feel better."

"Thanks Sara. Anyway, here are all of the Criminal Law textbooks. I'm not sure which ones you'll need," Spencer said as he spread out the books.

"Wow, that's a lot of books." I rifled through them until I found the introduction book.

"Here's the one I need this year," I said as I flipped through the pages. At last I had all I needed for college. Maybe I could finally put my past behind me. No more thinking about Jesse or what had happened.

"You know what, you can just take all of them if you want. I won't need them," he replied with a shy smile on his face.

"Oh okay, sounds good!" I picked the pile up and tried to get to the door. I cursed as the top book fell back onto me.

"Hang on, let me grab some!" Spencer said quickly as he grabbed the top half of the pile.

"Thanks, let's get them in my car."

After a while of shuffling around with the books, we made it to my car and stacked them in the trunk.

"D-do you want to stay for dinner?" he asked quietly.

"Sure! Sounds like fun," I replied enthusiastically, trying to ignore the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind.

Don't do it. You remember what happened last time you trusted a guy don't you?

I pushed those thoughts away and focused on Spencer. He was so beautiful and so talented and I was so… well, me.

We went back up to his apartment and I was still shocked at how neat it was.

"You can sit down if you want, I actually have food to cook with for once," he said as we entered the kitchen.

"I'm going to go look at your books if you don't mind."

"Go ahead, have fun," laughed Spencer.

My fingers lightly touched shelf after shelf of books as I read the titles to myself.

"Oh my god, you read Edgar Allen Poe? I don't know anyone else who has read his work!" I exclaimed when I came across a collection of his poems.

"You know his work? That's amazing!" he called from the kitchen.

"My favorite is _Annabel Lee_. 'I was a child and she was a child,  
>in this kingdom by the sea.'"<p>

"'But we loved with a love that was more than love-  
>I and my Annabel Lee,'" he continued.<p>

"Are you my soul mate?" I exclaimed, only half-jokingly.

Spencer laughed as if he couldn't believe what I had just said. "I just appreciate fine literature."

Later on, I'm sure he could tell me the exact time of course, we sat down for dinner at his pristine table.

Time flew by with all of our conversation. I couldn't believe I had met someone so interesting. I listened eagerly as he told me about his team.

"I hope one day I can have a family like that," I sighed hopefully.

"I'm sure you'll do great at college. Maybe I could even give a recommendation to my team."

"You'd really do that?" I asked incredulously.

"Why not? You seem very capable, of course I'd have to make certain beforehand, but I'm sure you are," he replied quietly.

See? I told the thoughts in my head. You had no reason to worry. Spencer wasn't like the rest of them.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Spencer**_

"Let me do the dishes," said Sara as we stood up from dinner.

"Oh you don't have to, you're my guest."

"Nope, you cooked for me, I'm doing the dishes."

I could tell she was stubborn so I just nodded and went along with it.

"Go sit down or something, Spence."

Did she just call me Spence? Almost no one called me Spence, let alone a nickname. Well, Morgan calls me Pretty Boy, but I don't think that really counts for anything.

"U-uh okay," I said nervously as I went into the living room.

Why was I still nervous? I hadn't done anything to scare her off or freak her out… yet. There's always time for scaring off pretty girls. I've come to know that.

I heard the sink turn on and I began to rifle through movies that I had. Maybe I could lend her one. That'd give me an excuse to see her again, right?

Four minutes and twenty-one seconds later I heard a crash, and the sound of glass breaking. The sink was still running as I called over to Sara. "Are you okay?"

Nothing. And then, quiet sobs. Oh my god.

I ran over to the kitchen and saw her sitting in the corner with broken shards of a dinner plate around her. Her feet were cut up and she held her head in her hands.

"Sara! It's alright, I'll help you," I said as I reached for a towel to wipe up the blood.

Suddenly she looked up at me with tears streaming down her face. "Please don't hit me."

"What? Why would I hit you?" Even as I asked this, I knew it was a stupid question. I mean, I was a profiler for Christ's sake. I could see signs of abuse in just about any type of, well… victim.

She continued to sob as I tried to wipe up the blood. She kept moving her feet, so the only place I got blood off of was the floor.

"I-I'm so s-s-sorry. I d-d-didn't mean to b-break the p-plate," she cried softly, her hands muffling her voice.

"I know you didn't, it was an accident. I'm not going to hit you, Sara."

She looked up at me with quiet disbelief, the tears still running down her face. "W-what?"

"I would never hurt you," I explained matter-of-factly as I tried again to wipe the blood from her feet. This time she didn't move away, but she wouldn't make eye contact.

"Let me go get my first-aid kit. I'll be right back," I said as I cautiously got up.

I went into my room and found the kit at the bottom of my go bag. Who in their right mind would hurt this beautiful girl? She was so strong, and smart, and funny, and… it just wasn't right.

"I'm going to disinfect the cuts, okay? I won't hurt you, I promise," I said as I reentered the kitchen. I wish I hadn't had as much experience with abused people, but it did help in this situation.

Sara nodded silently, but she kept her hands wrapped around her legs, as if protecting herself.

Finally I bandaged all of the cuts and swept the glass into the garbage can. She sat in the corner, trying to stop crying.

I heard a sniffle and looked down at her.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she said quietly.

"It's okay, you're going to be fine and no one is going to hurt you."

"I hope not," she half-whispered.

"I'm serious, Sara. I'll help you get through this. There's no need to be afraid of me."

"Not you. Him."

"Who? The one that hurt you? Maybe I can help you."

"J-J-Jesse." The tears started again and I knew I couldn't just let her sit on the floor any longer.

"Come on, you need to sit down." I reached my hand out towards her. She flinched and tried to move away. "I'm not going to do anything to you."

She tentatively grabbed my hand and I helped her up, letting her lean on me.

We sat down on the couch and she instinctively moved away from me.

"Lay down Sara, please. Nothing bad is going to happen. You lost some blood and I don't want you to get dizzy."

She looked at me hesitantly and finally laid down, with her head on a pillow next to me. I slowly reached down to stroke her hair as she tried to compose herself. Her breathing became more and more controlled until she finally looked up at me.

"Thank you."

Why was she thanking me? She had been through all of this, whatever it may be, and she didn't expect anyone to care?

I guess I should expect that since I have dealt with so many victims of abuse, but I still didn't want to believe that anyone would hurt her.

We just sat there in the silence. There was enough time to talk about this another day. She had already been through so much.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was already ten o'clock. I couldn't make her go home now. She could just stay here, it would be fine, right? I was about to ask her when I looked down and saw that she had fallen asleep.

She looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake her up. Well that settled it, she'd stay here. I grabbed a blanket from behind the couch and covered her gently.

I then put my feet up on the coffee table and leaned my head back.

There was no way I was going to let her wake up in an unfamiliar house with no one around her. At least this way she would see me. I stretched my hand out and turned off the lights, being careful not to wake her up.

I closed my eyes slowly, hoping that tomorrow I would be able to find a way to help her.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sara**_

I woke up with a start, unsure of where I was. I unconsciously reached out and felt an arm. Oh god. I was at Spencer's.

"Huh?" he muttered groggily as he opened his eyes.

"Sorry." I began to stand up, but he reached for me.

"You don't have to get up," he said, more awake now.

Crap. Crap, crap, crap. I looked down at my cut up feet and all of what happened yesterday flooded back to me. I probably scared off this beautiful guy and now he thinks I'm a nutcase. Damn it.

I sighed loudly and put my head in my hands.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked with concern.

"Yeah, yeah. It's just, I'm sorry about yesterday. You probably think I'm insane."

"How could I? And there's nothing to be sorry about."

"I basically had a mental breakdown in your kitchen. What isn't there to be sorry about?" I asked a little too angrily.

He slowly put his hand on mine and looked at me.

"It's not your fault, really," he tried to assure me.

"Okay, okay. Well, thank you for letting an almost complete stranger spend the night at your house. You really are a bit too trusting."

He laughed and shook his head in amazement. "You can be so upbeat."

"And then other times…." I trailed off, thinking about last night.

"You wanna go out to breakfast? My treat," I said as I stood up again.

"If you insist," Spencer replied with a smile.

He went into his bedroom to change and I looked in the mirror in his hallway. Oh golly. I looked just lovely. My t-shirt was wrinkled and my hair was a giant mess.

"Here, you can wear this," said Spencer as he tossed me a plaid shirt.

"Oh, thanks." I put the shirt on and slipped on my Converse.

_**Spencer**_

Was I dreaming? Was I actually going out to breakfast with a girl? One that had just spent the night at my house? Well, not in an exactly romantic way, but she stayed over nonetheless.

We pulled up to a small diner and got out of her car.

"This is one of my favorite places in Virginia," said Sara as she opened up the door.

The familiar smell of grease and coffee that all good diners have instantly hit me.

"Hey honey, what can I get you and handsome over there?" asked a waitress with a name tag that said Rosie.

I could feel myself blush as I looked over at Sara.

"Morning Rosie, can we have a menu actually? My friend's never been here before."

"Of course, here ya go," said Rosie as she tossed her a menu.

"Do you know everyone?" I asked slightly incredulously as Rosie walked away.

"No one my age of course. Just the waitresses, bookstore owners, and bakers," Sara replied with a laugh.

We soon ordered our food and I leaned back in the comfortable little booth. I looked across at her and tried to find the words that I wanted to say.

"We don't have to talk about it, you know," she said quickly, as if she could read my mind.

"I want to help you though. Please."

She sighed. "If you must… well, what do you want to know?"

"W-when," I gulped, "did he do this to you?"

She began slowly, as if trying to recall the memories without recollecting the pain.

"About a year ago. Junior year was over and I met him on vacation in Rhode Island. He told me I was pretty and that he'd love to be with someone like me. We started dating about a month later, and then… it started."

I tried to steady my breathing as I listened to her talk. How could some sick person do this to her?

"He didn't want me to see my friends and he assumed that I was cheating on him whenever I went out. The first time he, he hit me, was after I went to the school homecoming game with some of my friends. I got home and he punched me, saying that I was out with some guy. Then he told me that he loved me."

I knew that this was typical abuser behavior, yet I didn't want to accept it.

She continued, "I-I'd never really been with a guy before, so I guess I just believed that that was how things worked. Looking back I realize how absolutely idiotic I was."

"It wasn't you. You couldn't have known any better. Statistics show that almost all people that are abused believe that what's happening isn't wrong," I rambled, trying not to show my shock at her situation.

"Anyway, this kept happening until about two months ago when I moved. It gradually got worse and worse, until I almost never saw my friends. I didn't want them to notice all of the bruises or my broken arm."

"Broken arm? He broke your arm?" I exclaimed angrily.

"W-well, he pushed me down the stairs after I talked to my friend Charlie on the phone. He assumed that Charlie was a guy, not a girl named Charlotte."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I've known victims of abuse before, but never one like Sara. She just seemed so strong and capable of anything.

Finally we finished eating and she paid for the bill, after I offered several times.

"I don't need you to pity me anymore than you already do," she said with a slight laugh.

"You're strong Sara. I can see that already. You don't need to be pitied to overcome this."

"Thanks Spence. I wish I had known before that there are guys like you out there."

I blushed a bit at this as we headed out the door.

"Bye Rosie, thanks for everything," she called back to the waitress behind the counter.

"No problem dear, be sure to bring handsome back again," replied Rosie with a wink.

We got into the little yellow Volkswagen and drove back to my apartment.

"Well, I have to go home and actually unpack. I'm sure you have something to do," said Sara as I got out of the car.

At that moment, I got a text from the BAU- _New case, meet in 30 minutes. _Great. Usually I was excited about cases, but now all I wanted to do was spend time with Sara. I'm sure that would go over well. "Hey team, I can't go because I have to hang out with a girl I just met." Morgan would have a real good time with that one.

"Okay, well here's my number," I said as I scribbled it onto a piece of paper.

"I'll put mine in your phone," she said almost shyly.

A few minutes later we parted ways and I waved as she drove down the street.

I looked down at my phone before I left to meet the team and saw her name in my contacts: _Sara _:) _[You really should call me]._

I chuckled as I got in my car. Maybe she actually does like me.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Sara**_

I drove away slowly, glancing back at Spencer. Had all of this really just happened? Maybe I would wake up and realize that I made him up, and that I was just as lonely as before. But then again, maybe not. Maybe my luck has changed.

I pulled up to my apartment and heaved the large stacks of books towards the door. The doorman opened the door hastily and welcomed me inside.

After a while of struggling, I made it upstairs. I went to open my door to find it open slightly. Did I leave it open? I shrugged it off and cautiously entered the apartment.

No one was there. Of course not, what was I thinking? My imagination was getting the better of me again.

I put the books down on my coffee table and went over to my stacks of boxes.

"I really should unpack," I sighed.

I began to open the boxes and put things where they belonged. Several minutes later, I opened the second box to find a pile of picture frames. There were pictures of my friends and family, and then I saw the third frame.

I gasped. It was a picture of Jesse and me. I thought I had thrown this away. In the picture Jesse looked angry with his arm around me possessively. I looked like I was trying not to be sick.

Why did I have this? I opened up the back of the frame and the picture underneath it fell out. It was of my mother and me when I was only seven. I remembered this picture. I didn't cover it up.

I looked around quickly, suddenly afraid.

"I must have forgotten it," I reasoned with myself. I put the frame down and forced myself to continue unpacking.

_**Spencer**_

I entered the conference room quickly, aware that I was six minutes and forty-three seconds late.

Prentiss looked up at me with concern, and the rest of the team became quiet.

"S-sorry, the coffee shop was a little slow," I fibbed as I put my cup down in front of me.

"Who is she?" Morgan asked with a smirk.

God, did I hate working with profilers.

"No one," I responded quickly.

"Oh, we'll find out," Garcia added with a laugh.

"Anyway, we have two victims: twenty year old Charlotte Yves and twenty-two year old Paul Oulet…" JJ continued as my mind wandered.

I'd have to see her again. I'll call her when this case is over. That wouldn't be too soon would it?

"Wheels up in thirty," said Hotch as he and the rest of the team exited the room.

Did I really just miss a whole debrief? I needed to get my head together. I'll think about Sara later.

_**Sara**_

I woke up the next morning with the sun in my eyes. So, did yesterday really happen?

I ran to the kitchen table and found the paper with Spencer's number on it still there.

"YES!" I shouted enthusiastically.

I looked around embarrassed, hoping that no one in the building had heard me.

Am I losing it? I just got excited because I actually met a guy and didn't make it up in my head. I needed a reality check.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my best friend Charlie. No answer. Hm. That was odd, Charlie always picked up her phone.

"Hey this is Charlie, leave it at the beep."

"Charlotte Louise, why are you not picking up? Something better be important. Did Paul propose yet? Anyways, call me back. Love ya." I hung up and shook my head. That boy needed to pop the question already. I mean, they've been dating for almost three years, it's about time.

_**Spencer**_

I shuddered as the pathologist pulled back the sheet.

The two victims were so young, around Sara's age. How could someone do this to people? No matter how long I work here, I don't think I'll ever fully understand the human's need to hurt others.

"The female was hit with a blunt object and then strangled, but the male's injuries are much more brutal. He's completely eviscerated and has defensive wounds all over his body."

"He was protecting his girlfriend," Rossi said with a sad look on his face.

"Whoever did this, it had to be personal. No one does this much overkill on a random victim," interjected Prentiss.

Suddenly the bag of evidence started vibrating on the table. I walked over and reached in.

I pulled out a pink cell phone whose front screen said **NEW VOICEMAIL.**

"Someone just left Charlotte a message, maybe it has a clue."

The team gathered around as I dialed the voicemail and put the phone on speaker.

"Charlotte Louise, why are you not picking up? Something better be important. Did Paul propose yet? Anyways, call me back. Love ya."

Oh god. That was Sara's voice. This must have been the Charlie that she was talking about.

I turned pale as I slowly shut the phone.

"What? Do you know who that is?" asked Morgan.

"Y-yeah. That's Sara Felding. I met her the other day at the bookstore."

"That old one that you always go to?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Do you have any ideas about who could have done this?" asked Prentiss.

"Maybe. I'll have to have Sara come in so I can ask her some questions."

"Okay, call her and have her meet us at the police station."

The rest of the team left the room to go to the station. I looked at Charlotte's phone and put it back in the evidence bag.

Did he really do this? She never said what happened to him. No, it couldn't be him. It had to just be a coincidence that these two people were killed and Sara knew them.

I pulled out my phone and went to my contacts list.

"Hello?" I heard a voice answer tentatively on the other side.

"Hi, Sara? This is Spencer."

"Oh, hi!" she replied enthusiastically. "What's up?"

"C-could you come to the police station?"

"What? Why? I don't want to file a report," she said slowly, trying not to sound upset.

"No, it's for something else. Just please come down, I'll explain when you get here."

"Um, okay. I'll see you in a few minutes," she replied quietly and then I heard the phone line click.

This was going to be difficult.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Sara**_

I nervously got into the car, my hands shaking. Why did he call me? I didn't want to file a report or anything. I just wanted to put all of that behind me.

I finally arrived at the police station and got out hesitantly.

"Hello, welcome to the Quantico Police Station. How can we help you?" asked a friendly officer.

"I-I'm here to talk to Spencer Reid."

"Oh, the BAU's case. Tragic, it really is. Right this way," he said with a shake of his head as he pointed me in the right direction.

What? What the hell had happened? I started to become more and more panicked. What could this possibly be about? Then a second thought entered my mind: he's in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. Whoa.

I entered a conference type room slowly. Several official looking agents stood up and looked at me.

"Sara Felding?" asked a woman with jet black hair.

"Y-y-yes. That's me," I answered slowly.

"Thank you for coming down. I'm Agent Prentiss, but you can call me Emily."

"Why am I here?"

At this moment, a strong black man entered the room with Spencer. "She doesn't know?" asked the man inquisitively.

He walked towards me and I instinctively shrunk back. He was so strong, so much like Jesse. I must have winced, because Emily looked at me with surprise.

"Sara, it's okay. He's not going to hurt you." There was Spencer's soothing voice. Breathe Sara, breathe. Nothing was wrong.

"I'm sorry, my name's Derek Morgan." He exchanged a look with Emily.

Oh god. I was in a room full of profilers. I bet they could tell what had happened to me. I didn't want anyone to know.

"Please sit down. My name's Aaron Hotchner and these are Agents Penelope Garcia, Dave Rossi, and Jennifer Jareau," said a man who looked to be about forty. He seemed less intimidating and I finally sat down.

_**Spencer**_

"Do you know Charlotte Yves and Paul Oulet?" Hotch asked Sara.

"Yes, they're two of my best friends. Oh my god, did something happen? Are they alright?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but they've been killed. Their neighbor found them this morning."

"What?" she exclaimed, standing up. "No, no, you must have the wrong people. Maybe they just have the same names."

I could see that even as she said this she realized how impossible it was.

"I am very sorry, but it's them." He slid a picture of the couple towards her, their smiles radiating from it.

"Oh my god." She sat down again slowly.

"Now, we called you in here because we wanted to know if you could have any idea who did this. I know it's going to be difficult, but please try."

"No, they are… I mean, they were, great people. They had a lot of friends and never made any enemies. M-maybe it was just random."

"We believe that this was personal," said Prentiss.

"Sara, could this have anything to do with Jesse?" I asked cautiously.

"What? No. No, no. It couldn't be him." She shook her head vehemently.

"Jesse? Who's Jesse?" asked Hotch.

"No one."

"Sara, I'm sorry but we have to know everything. We need to find who did this and make sure he doesn't do it again," said JJ with care in her voice.

"J-Jesse was my boyfriend. That's all."

"Sara, you need to tell them what happened. He could be responsible for this," I urged her gently.

"Um, well, he, uh, hit me a couple of times. That's all. I deserved it anyway."

"No one deserves abuse," JJ replied. "Is that all? Anything to do with Charlotte and Paul?"

"Well, uh, one time he pushed me down the stairs after I was talking to Charlie on the phone. He thought she was a guy that I was cheating on him with. The fall broke my arm…" she trailed off, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

"Anything else? Anything at all could help us."

"Charlie and Paul were the ones that helped me leave him. I broke up with him, but he wouldn't have it, so Paul came and got me. I guess he intimidated Jesse a bit because he didn't do anything. I never saw Jesse again. He looked so angry when I looked in the rearview mirror. All I could think was that it was finally over," Sara's eyes started to fill up with tears at the memory.

"What is Jesse's full name?" asked Rossi.

"Jesse Sanders."

"Garcia, do an intense background check. Find everything there is to know about him."

"Aye aye captain." Garcia left the room.

"He couldn't have done this! I mean, he never really hurt me that badly," muttered Sara.

"Yes he did. Any type of abuse is inexcusable, especially what Jesse did to you," said Prentiss.

"Morgan and Reid, take Sara back to her apartment. Put her under twenty four hour surveillance. We'll find Jesse," Hotch said with his usual tone of severity.

_**Sara**_

I walked out of the police station, flanked on either side by Derek and Spencer. Was this really happening? Just this morning my life seemed perfect. And now, two of my best friends were dead.

"Just stay calm, I'll go with you. Morgan will follow us."

Spencer and I got into my car and I turned on the engine slowly.

"If it's really him, is he here now? I mean, is he watching us?"

"It's possible," Spencer replied slowly, "but you're safe. That's all that matters right now."

Several minutes later we pulled up to my apartment and Derek parked his SUV behind us.

"I'll walk you up, and then Morgan and I will stay down here."

We made it up to my apartment and I opened the door slowly.

"It's okay, you'll be fine," said Spencer reassuringly. "I'm going to go downstairs now. Lock the door behind me."

"O-okay."

He left and I locked the deadbolt. Is this all because of Jesse?

Suddenly my phone vibrated and I jumped.

A new text from an unknown number.

_Look outside._

I slowly made my way to my window and looked outside. I gasped and jumped back. There was Jesse inside a pickup truck. He had a gun aimed at Spencer, who was leaving the building and heading towards the SUV. He didn't notice the truck or the gun.

My phone started to ring and I picked it up breathlessly.

"Go down the fire escape out back. You say anything, and your precious little Spencer dies."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Sara**_

I ran to the fire escape, not thinking of anything else but keeping Spencer safe. There was no way in hell I was going to let him get hurt because of me.

My phone rang again.

"Are you on the fire escape?"

"Y-yes."

"Now go down and get into the open van. Don't say anything and he won't hurt you." The line went dead and I looked down. There was an open van and a guy with a ski mask on was waiting by it.

Oh dear lord. What was happening? I forced myself to continue climbing down, trying not to fall.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I felt a hand over my mouth. I jumped and stifled a scream. The man with the mask carried me into the van and put handcuffs on me.

He tied me to a pole in the van and I saw Jesse come up behind him. How had Derek and Spencer not seen him?

Jesse peeled off a stack of bills and handed them to the masked man. He ran off and Jesse climbed into the van. He put his face next to mine and I tried to steady my breathing. I looked away, avoiding eye contact.

"Miss me?" he asked in a low voice.

I didn't answer and he slammed the van door shut. He jumped in the front seat and put the key in the ignition.

Jesse drove the van down the back alley and slipped out unnoticed by the SUV sitting out front of my apartment.

_**Spencer**_

I headed toward the SUV and my phone rang. It was Garcia.

"Hey."

"Just call me Wonder Woman. I found out _all_ about our boy Jesse here."

"Hang on, let me put you on speaker."

I got into the car and put the phone on speaker.

"Hey baby girl, we're listening," said Morgan.

"Hello sugar, I have the scoop on one Jesse Sanders. He's from Oakland, Connecticut born and raised and has a rap sheet as long as the Nile. In and out of juvie, several domestic reports, yada yada yada. I'm sending you a picture now."

"Where is he currently?" I asked quickly as I opened up the picture message on my phone. A strong looking man with tan skin and dark brown eyes looked up at me from the picture.

"He lives in Oakland still, but has made multiple credit card purchases in… oh god, Quantico, in the past couple of days."

I exchanged a look with Morgan. He was here.

"What's he driving, baby girl?"

"A tan Ford pickup, plates 14T-H2I."

"Morgan, I think I saw a tan truck in one of the garages across the street!"

"We'll call you back Garcia."

We ran out of the SUV with our guns drawn. Morgan motioned to me silently and I quietly ran to the building.

Morgan followed and counted to three. We ran into the garage and aimed our guns.

"FBI!" yelled Morgan.

Silence. There was a tan pickup, but no one was inside. I checked the plates. 14T-H2I. Oh god.

"He was definitely here. Question is, where is he now?" asked Morgan.

"I need to go find Sara and make sure she's okay."

"Okay, I'll check in the house." He kicked the door down and quickly swept the rooms.

"It's empty, I'll call Hotch and look for clues- go stay with Sara."

"Thanks." I ran to the apartment building and up the stairs, no time for the elevator.

I raced down the hallway to her apartment, and saw the door wide open.

"SARA! SARA!" I yelled, becoming unnerved.

I entered the apartment and no one was there. I tried to remain call and opened my phone.

"Hey Reid," said Morgan.

"She's not here. Oh my god she's not here!" I said, the panic becoming evident in my voice.

"Hang on pretty boy, I'll be right up." He hung up the phone and I saw him run towards the apartment when I looked out the window.

The window. I could see Jesse's truck directly from the window. That meant that he could see Sara. How could I have let this happen?

I heard Morgan running up the stairs. He entered the apartment and looked at me with concern.

I opened my phone and called Hotch and Garcia.

"Hello?"

"You're on a three way with us and Garcia. Sara's gone. Jesse's truck is across the street in a garage but he's not there. The house that it's parked at is empty for construction." I said anxiously.

"Okay, we're almost there."

Morgan and I scoured Sara's apartment as we waited for the rest of the team.

I found a bucket of purple paint, a few homemade mobiles, and glow in the dark stars under her cabinet. I couldn't help but think that it was so like her.

"Hey Reid, I think I have something."

I ran to the living room quickly. Morgan was holding what looked like a photograph.

"This here is Jesse and Sara. It has to be almost a year old, but the photo itself was printed out a week ago at the most. She wouldn't print this out, and she definitely wouldn't cover a picture of herself and her mother."

"Where's the frame it was in?" I asked as he handed me it. I opened it up and saw a small piece of paper taped to the back. _I bet you missed me _was written crudely on it.

"He was here Morgan. He was in her apartment. How could I let this happen?"

"There's nothing you could have done Reid."

I heard footsteps and Hotch, JJ, Rossi, and Prentiss entered the room.

"What happened?" asked Hotch.

"I brought her up here, Morgan was outside, I went back to the SUV with him, and then Garcia told us what he was driving. I realized that the car was in a garage across the street and we went to check it out, but no one was there. I went back here to tell Sara, but she was gone," I answered breathlessly.

"Okay, breathe Reid. Now, there were no signs of forced entry?"

"No, the door was open when I got up here."

"Is it possible that she left on her own?"

"What? N-no, I don't think so. God, I didn't even think to call her," I said with shock. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. No answer. I tried again, but it went straight to voicemail. One more try.

"Hello, Dr. Reid," said a man on the other end.

I looked up and motioned to the team as I put the phone on speaker.

"H-hello. Who am I speaking to?" I asked nervously.

"I think you know."

"Where's Sara?"

"She's safe. For now."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Sara**_

I tried to see out of the front windshield, but the handcuffs kept me on the floor. Was this all really happening? I tried to reason with myself. At least I had saved Spencer. I'll die instead of him.

Jesse drove maniacally down the empty street, unaware that someone might see a speeding van. That gave me hope. Maybe someone would notice.

He swerved around a sharp corner and I hit the side of the van. I unconsciously let out a whimper of pain.

"Shut up, bitch!"

"W-why are you doing this?"

"You asked for it!"

I shut my mouth, not knowing how to deal with all of this.

That was just sad. I wanted to be an FBI agent, yet I had been taken hostage and had no idea how to save myself?

After what seemed like forever, the van halted to a stop and Jesse opened the door. He quickly unlocked my handcuffs and violently pulled me outside.

"Come on," he said gruffly as he dragged me to what looked like an abandoned barn.

I looked around, trying to see if I recognized where we were. There was nothing around us except for miles of land and a long dirt road.

The hope that I had been clinging onto had started to disappear. Maybe this was the end.

_**Spencer**_

"Garcia, we need you to find everything about Jesse." Hotch's serious voice brought me back to reality.

"Well, sir, I've told you everything I know so far, but I'll dig deeper."

"Good, call us if you find anything."

"Over and out."

Sara had to have been gone for at least an hour by now. Where could he have taken her?

"Reid, we need to you to make a geographical profile. We don't have much to work with, but Garcia should be able to find more."

I dug out the map of Quantico from my back pocket and spread it on Sara's table.

"Okay, the first two victims were found here," I plotted a point where Paul and Charlotte had lived.

"Sara lives… here." I plotted another point. "What else is there?

Suddenly Hotch's phone rang and he quickly picked it up and put it on speaker.

"Garcia, have anything for us?"

"Of course captain. As we know, Jesse has made multiple purchases in Quantico in the last month. There were three at Holly's Diner, two at Pete's Hardware, one at the car rental place on Reservoir Drive, and one at a motel, also on Reservoir Drive."

"What is he-"

"Way ahead of you, he rented a gray Dodge Caravan with plates 7T1-09P."

"Thanks Garcia," Hotch replied as he hung up.

I quickly added these points to the map.

"He's obviously staying on Reservoir Drive. This unsub isn't too smart, he left a major paper trail," said Prentiss.

"When you calculate how long Sara's been gone with how fast a Dodge Caravan can go, he couldn't have gotten further than this radius," I said, drawing a line extending from where Sara's apartment was. "Now, add in the hotel, car rental, and stores, and it's narrowed down to right about here," I added, circling a smaller region.

"How do you figure that?" asked Rossi.

"He's only been here for a month, so he doesn't know the area. He's been planning this out, which means that he'll stay close to where he's been for the past thirty days or so."

"I'll have road blocks set up," said Hotch, pulling out his phone.

"We need to get down there and put out an alert for his van." JJ began to pile up our papers.

We quickly ran to our SUVs and piled in. Hotch turned the police lights on and we sped down the road.

_**Sara**_

"Please, please, don't do this," I pleaded.

"You're an ungrateful little slut. I gave you love when no one else would and then you left me? Miserable whore."

"You didn't give me love." _Slap._ I felt his grimy hand hit my face, knocking the wind out of me.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" He quickly scrambled for something in the dark corner of the barn. Rope. He tied me to one of the support beams and tightened the rope around my wrists.

I grimaced as he pulled tightly and made a secure knot.

"You're going to pay for all of this," he said angrily.

_**Spencer**_

We got out of the cars, just on the brink of the five mile radius where Jesse had Sara.

I spread out the map on the hood of the car as a police officer walked towards us.

"I'm Officer Mulligan, road blocks are set. He's not getting out of here."

"Good, good," I mumbled, quickly scanning the map. "Hey Hotch, I may have something."

"What is it?"

"There's more than a mile of empty farmland right over here to the east of the motel that Jesse's staying at. It's been fallow for nearly a decade after the last owner died and the current owner abandoned it. No one wanted the trouble of keeping up with it."

"Okay, you, Morgan, and Prentiss go there. The rest of us will search the other parts of the area. They have to be somewhere. Remember, if you find him, he's armed, dangerous, and with a hostage."

How could I possibly forget that? I had been trying to keep my cool, but when Hotch brought up Sara, all I could think was that it was my fault. How could I not have seen him? How had I let this happen? I tried to shrug it off and focus on what was going on. We were going to find her. We just had to.

The three of us got into a SUV and set out for the farmland. Hopefully we would find her there, or at least a hint as to where they were.

Morgan's phone started to ring when we were almost to the farm.

"Someone reported seeing a gray van heading east towards where you guys are. The witness says that a man that looks like Jesse was driving and that he was driving _way_ above speed limit," said JJ.

"Okay, thanks JJ." He hung up. "Well, we're definitely headed in the right direction."

_**Sara**_

I slowly came to, my head pounding. What had just happened? Something wet was on my forehead. I reached down and rubbed my head on my knee. It was blood. Where was Jesse? I looked around frantically.

"Still here, bitch."

I shuddered involuntarily and tried to keep my focus. My eyesight started to blur together.

Suddenly I saw Jesse walking towards me, a switchblade in his hand.

"Please don't," I whimpered.

"You don't have a say in this." He slid the back of the knife down my arm, the cold metal making me jump.

I looked away, not wanting to think about what was taking place. In the next instance, I felt the blade go into my arm. I winced at the pain, but couldn't scream. Nothing would come out.

"You have nothing to say now do you?"

I mumbled incoherently, trying to make him stop. He hastily cut off my pant leg with the knife and began to trace faint lines on my shin.

The knife went into my leg and everything went black again.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Spencer**_

We got to the farmland and got out of the SUV.

"Damn, there's gotta be at least twenty barns out here. And they're all so far apart, you can't see the others from any of them," said Morgan, shaking his head.

"Twenty three," I responded quickly.

Prentiss pulled out her phone and called Garcia.

"Goddess of all things divine."

"Garcia, there are twenty three barns here. Can you find which ones aren't owned by anyone or have been abandoned?"

"Oh you know I can, my furry friend… okay, looks like there's something here. One barn, smack dab in the middle of the land, has been abandoned by one Mr. Jillard. He suffered a stroke a year ago and no one wanted to buy the barn."

"Thanks baby girl," said Morgan as we headed towards the center of the land.

"Okay," I said, looking at the map, "according to this, Jillard's barn is right over there."

We skulked quietly to the barn, with our guns drawn.

"FBI!" yelled Morgan as we ran inside. We looked around, but the entire barn was empty.

_**Sara**_

I heard what sounded like a shout coming from outside, far away. Could it be them? Please, please let it be them.

Jesse heard it too. "You think they're gonna save you, you whore? Not on my watch."

He pulled a lighter out of his pocket. Oh god.

_**Spencer**_

Morgan pulled out his phone. "Hey sugar, this one was empty. Any other hits?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me see… there's another one, the last one to the north of where you are. A Mr. Polski tried to sell it for years, no one wanted it, and he abandoned it."

"Okay, thanks baby girl."

"No problem, hot stuff."

We ran north, trying to get there as quickly as possible. Please let Sara be there. I had to find her. I can't let anything else happen.

As we got closer, I suddenly heard a scream. "HELP! PLEASE, HELP ME!"

"That's gotta be her!" We ran even faster than before. What was he doing to her?

Then, I heard another voice. "SHUT UP, BITCH!" There was a resounding noise and then silence.

Finally, we reached the last barn. I peered inside, only able to see Jesse, who was kneeling over something… or someone.

"FBI!" Morgan yelled, yet again, as we ran into the barn. I saw Sara, lying below Jesse. She was tied to one of the poles and almost unconscious. I tried not to concentrate on how badly she had been hurt. We needed to get her away from Jesse first. He was holding a lighter, one that had obviously been used to burn Sara.

"Put your hands where I can see them!" Prentiss shouted, aiming her gun at him.

"I'm afraid I can't do that officer." He quickly lit the lighter in his hand and brought it closer to Sara's face.

"Put the lighter away!" yelled Morgan.

I had to shoot him. But, I'd never actually shot anyone before. What if I missed? What if I hit Sara? These thoughts raced through my head as I tried to decide what to do.

Sara whimpered and I realized what had to be done.

_Boom._

Jesse fell down, dropping the lighter from his hand. It landed on Sara, who was barely conscious. I ran to her as she began to scream, trying to fling the lighter off of herself. I grabbed the lighter hastily and untied Sara.

"We need a medic, now!" Morgan shouted into his phone.

"It's okay, Sara, it's alright now," I said, trying to reassure her.

She was still in a daze, and looked up at me as if she didn't register what I had just said.

"S-Spencer…" she trailed off, and then passed out, landing in my lap.

"Sara! No, stay with me!" I yelled as I tried to get her to wake up.

Morgan ran to us and tried to shake her awake.

"Honey! Stay with us! Just look at Reid and me. We're here with you! Just stay awake! Where's my medic?" he barked, looking around.

"They're almost here," said Prentiss, kneeling down by Jesse's body. "Jesse is gone."

Sara's eyes fluttered open and she looked around wildly.

"I'm here Sara, just stay with us."

I heard the sirens of the ambulance. Finally.

Two medics ran in, pushing a gurney with them.

"Nineteen year old female, multiple incisions, burns, and other injuries," Prentiss informed them.

They carefully hoisted Sara onto the stretcher and began to wheel her out of the barn.

"Spence! Spence, where are you? Don't leave me" she cried weakly, her hand falling over the stretcher as she reached out.

I looked quickly looked at Morgan, who nodded silently at me.

I jumped up and ran over to the medics, walking along side Sara. "It's okay, I'm here."

"Good," she said faintly, before her eyes closed again.

The medics ran to the ambulance, pushing her hurriedly. I jumped in and sat next to her.

They started to perform CPR as I grasped her hand.

The minutes blurred until we reached the hospital, and I quickly ran inside.

"You'll have to stay in the waiting room, sir," said one of the nurses.

I wanted to argue, but I knew protocol. I sat down and pulled out my phone, dialing Hotch.

"Reid, what happened?"

"I shot Jesse and then rode to the hospital with Sara in the ambulance. She's in the operating room now. Morgan and Prentiss are still at the barn, last I knew."

"Good job, stay there with Sara. I'll go to the scene." He hung up, leaving me alone with my thoughts again.

Please, let her survive. I don't know how I could live with myself if she didn't.

I tried to preoccupy myself by reading the trashy magazines in the waiting room. By the time the doctor entered the room, I had gone through more than fifty magazines, while reading as slowly as I could.

"Is someone here for Sara Felding?" he asked with concern.

I stood up rapidly. "I'm here. Spencer Reid."

"I'm Doctor Lenile. She suffered some major internal bleeding along with her other injuries, but she is going to be fine."

I could finally breathe. I ran my hands through my hair, exhaling a sigh of relief.

"Can I see her?" I asked unreservedly.

"Of course. She is still unconscious and I don't know how long it will be until she wakes up, but it's always good for a patient to have some company," Doctor Lenile replied.

"Thank you so much! Just let me call my supervisor and fill him in."

"Okay, she's in room 112 when you're done." He walked away, off to help another patient.

"Any news?" said Hotch's voice on the other end of the phone.

"She just got out of surgery. There was internal bleeding, but the doctor says she's going to be okay."

"Good, we're just wrapping things up here and we'll be heading back to the station soon. Stay with Sara, we can send you a car when you're done."

"I don't think I'll be needing one today. I don't want to leave her alone after all of this."

"That's understandable. Well, see you when you get back. Good work out there today," Hotch said before he hung up.

I walked slowly to room 112, unsure of what I was going to find. I entered the room to see Sara lying on the hospital bed, with bruises all over her. I still couldn't believe what had happened. She was hooked up to multiple tubes and had bandages on her arm and face.

I sat down next to the bed, and gently grabbed her hand.

"I am so sorry for what happened to you, Sara. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, or if you can even hear me, but I just wanted to say that I will help you through this."

I felt a slight squeeze on my hand and looked up at Sara, the tears blurring my vision.

"Sara? Can you hear me? I'm here."

"You, you didn't leave me," she said weakly.

"I'll never leave you. I promise."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Sara**_

I took a deep breath as I got out of the car, Spencer helping me up. My first day home-well, night actually. It took the doctors a while to discharge me.

"You okay?" he asked with concern.

I nodded, wincing at the slight pain. At least my burns and cuts were healing.

He held my hand as I walked slowly towards the door.

"I must look like an old lady- I can barely walk," I said with a smirk.

"Can you ever be serious?" he replied, smiling at me.

"You know I can't."

In the last two weeks, I had spent most of my time in the hospital with Spencer. I tried to get him to go back to work, but he had insisted that he stayed.

We entered the building and went to the elevator, only to find a sign on it.

"Damn, it's out of service..." I said with disappointment. I didn't think I could make it up four flights of stairs.

"Come here," Spencer called to me from the bottom of the stairs.

"Spence, I really don't think I can go up the stairs," I responded with embarrassment as I walked over to him.

"Spen- Ah! What are you doing?" I shrieked as he picked me up.

"I'm a genius, a broken elevator can't stop me," he jested as he held me bridal style and started up the stairs. "I'm not hurting you am I?"

"No, no, it's just- you really don't have to do this."

"Oh shush, you know you can't stop me."

We finally made it to the fourth floor and I tried to stand up.

"Hang on, we're not inside yet," he added as he pulled my key out of his pocket.

I sighed, knowing that there was no talking him out of it. I had to admit that I felt safe with his arms around me.

We entered my apartment and Spencer put me down on the couch gently. I couldn't help but look up at him with amazement.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Sara?" he asked, checking his clothes quickly.

"Oh it's nothing. I was just wondering how a guy as great as you could want to be friends with me.

"Friends? Oh, yeah, we're friends, of course," he responded nervously.

He sat down on the couch next to me and I moved a little closer. I had finally found a guy I could trust.

"Well, unless you don't want to be friends," I replied, trying not to grin.

He looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. "What? No, no, I want to be friends. Friends would be-"

I cut him off with a quick kiss.

_**Spencer**_

I looked at Sara with a dazed expression on my face. Did that really just happen?

"More than friends would be better," she said with a quiet smile.

"I agree," I retorted, trying to keep my cool.

"Well…" she stood up slowly, "I should really go to bed. I haven't been able to sleep in days. I'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay."

"What? You think you're going to get rid of me that easily? I'm staying here, thank you very much," I replied, knowing that I couldn't leave her just yet.

"Really? You have to argue with me on this too? You know, we bicker like old ladies."

"Or an old married couple," I added slyly.

"Oh aren't you funny," Sara laughed.

"I'll sleep on the couch," I said as I stood up

She sighed and finally gave up on arguing with me. She reached towards me and I put my arms around her.

"Really Spence, thank you for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you," she muttered softly into my chest.

"Well, you'll never have to find out," I replied, kissing her on the top of the head.

"Goodnight," she said as she walked to her bedroom.

"Night, see you in the morning," I responded, not knowing what else to say.

I laid down on the couch, ready to actually get some sleep, now that I was satisfied that Sara was home safe.

_**Sara**_

I got into bed, thinking about tonight. I was so glad to be home, and I wouldn't admit it to him, but I felt better knowing that Spencer was here.

Hopefully the bad stuff was over.

_**Spencer**_

I was awakened by screams and jumped off the couch. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was four in the morning.

I grabbed my gun and ran quietly to Sara's room, where the screaming was coming from.

"STOP! PLEASE, STOP! HELP ME!"

I tried not to think about who could be in there as I opened the door. I aimed my gun and looked around the room. No one was there.

I then looked at the bed, where Sara was thrashing, still screaming.

"PLEASE DON'T!"

"Sara. SARA! It's me!" I said, shaking her awake.

She finally stopped screaming, and looked down at the floor, tears streaming down her face.

"It was just a nightmare," I added calmly.

She continued to sob and couldn't look at me.

"Sara, it's okay, I'm here. No one's going to hurt you."

"I-I'm sorry," she said through the sobs.

I flashed back to the night I had met her, her blood on my kitchen floor and the tears in her eyes.

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

"I woke you up," she replied, gasping for breath.

"It's really okay. What was the nightmare about? Do you want to talk about it?" I asked cautiously.

"H-he was here, in my room, and, and he kept hitting me, and burning me, and c-c-cutting me," she stuttered.

"Jesse's dead, Sara. He can never hurt you again."

She looked up, the tears still running down her face, "I-I know, it's just…"

"No need to explain, I've had my fair share of nightmares."

"Do you think that you, um, could you sit here for a while?" she asked nervously, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Of course," I replied quickly, pulling myself up onto her bed.

She laid down slowly, trying to breathe. I sat for a moment before carefully laying down beside her, covering her with the blanket.

I put my arm over her, holding her tightly.

"You're safe, Sara."

"Thank you, yet again, Spence. I must be the most screwed up chick you've ever met."

"Not quite," I replied with a slight laugh.

We laid there for a while, until I could tell that she was asleep. I kissed the back of her head gently and finally closed my eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Sara**_

I woke up to the sun in my eyes, and felt Spencer's arm around me. This time I didn't feel ashamed of what had happened, only glad that he was there.

I turned around and just looked at his beautiful face. He looked so peaceful.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was already eight. Spencer had to be at work today! I couldn't let him be late on his first day back, and I was definitely making him go back.

I kissed his forehead gently. "Morning sleepyhead."

"Ugh, what time is it?" he muttered, running his hands through his hair.

"Eight. And you're going back to work today. I may be messed up, but you missing work isn't going to help me."

He sighed, looking at me, "If you insist."

"I do," I replied, standing up carefully, trying not to pull on my stitches. I winced at the pain, and just like that, Spencer was up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes Spencer, I am fine. Now get ready for work," I said with a laugh.

_**Spencer**_

I grabbed my bag and changed in the bathroom, thinking about what was going to happen today.

She would like it, wouldn't she? I mean, she was going to college for it anyway.

"Okay, I'm ready. Let's go," I said as I walked out of the bathroom.

"Don't you mean that you're going to go?" Sara asked with a confused look on her face.

"Nope. Now get dressed."

"Wait, are you giving me a tour of where you work or something?"

"Or something," I replied with a smile.

_**Sara**_

Ooh a tour of the BAU! I tried to control my excitement when Spencer told me. I wanted to work there someday, so there was no way I was going to lose my cool.

I hurriedly got changed. What should one wear when going to an FBI building?

I didn't have a lot of options with all of my stitches, so I threw on some loose shorts and my only nice tank top.

I walked out of my room, hoping I looked okay.

"Is this alright?" I asked nervously.

"Perfect," he replied, giving me a quick kiss.

_**Spencer**_

I drove us to the BAU, excited for what was going to happen.

"I can't believe I get to see the BAU building! That is so amazing!" Sara said enthusiastically.

"I'm surprised you know what the BAU is. Most people only know the FBI, not the smaller branches."

"Are you serious? I've _always _wanted to work at the BAU. That's where I'm hoping to work after college."

"Hm… interesting," I added quietly.

"Are you profiling me? You better not be," she replied with a smirk.

"Oh, of course not," I said as we pulled up to the building.

_**Sara**_

We walked in and were greeted by Emily and Derek, who I now knew to call by their last names. That's how it worked for their team, and it was how everyone else greeted them.

"Hey sugar, good to see you," Morgan said with a wink.

"Glad you could come today," Prentiss added.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss a tour of the BAU for the entire world!" I replied, suddenly aware of how childish I sounded.

Prentiss shot Spencer a look, but I didn't know what it meant. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here? I didn't want to get him in trouble.

The two agents walked away, and I ran over to Spencer.

"Am I supposed to be here?" I whispered. "They didn't look like they liked the idea of a tour."

"Yes you are, they're just a little wound up about a case."

"Okay, if you say so."

He led me to what looked like a conference room.

"This is where the team meets."

I looked around the room, studying everything.

"Spence, this is amazing. I mean, it really is."

"I'm glad you think so. Take a seat," he replied.

"What?" I asked with confusion.

"Just do it, you'll be fine." He smiled and then motioned to Prentiss who was outside the room.

She walked in, followed by the rest of the agents.

"Hey honey, good to see you!" said Garcia as they walked in and sat down.

"Am I being interrogated?" I asked nervously, trying not to panic.

"No, nothing like that," Hotch added with a smile.

"Okay…" I responded slowly.

"Our friend Reid here told us that you were interested in working at the BAU," Rossi said kindly.

I blushed, looking at Spencer. "Well, um, yeah, I'm going to college and then I wanted to work at the FBI…"

"I, well, we, would like to offer you a different deal," Rossi continued.

"A deal? Like the ones that they give criminals?" I said jokingly.

"How would you like to have your FBI training here and then join our team?" asked Rossi.

"What? Are you serious, or are you guys all in on one big joke?" I replied, unable to believe what I had heard.

"We're serious," said Hotch.

"I'd love to! But, I'm already signed up to take classes at college. I missed the first couple of weeks though, because of what happened…" I trailed off, not wanting to remember that.

"Oh, don't worry. We already contacted the school and they'll refund all of what you paid already. That is, if you decide to take us up on our offer," Rossi said with a smile.

"Of course, you'll have to pass your training and evaluations before you can join the team, but we are all very sure that you are capable," Hotch added.

"Well, in that case, I would love to!" I replied enthusiastically.

Garcia squealed. "Another woman on the team! Girl power!"

I laughed and looked around the room at the smiling faces. Just what I had always wanted, a chance to have a family like this.

Hotch and Rossi stood up, and I did the same. They stuck out their hands and I confidently shook them, sure that I had made the right decision.

"Thank you for this chance. You won't regret it!" I said eagerly.

"We know," Hotch laughed.

_**Spencer**_

I finished giving Sara a tour of the building, and I couldn't help but think about the future.

"Thank you Spence," she said as we left.

"For what?"

"You know, the whole pulling of the strings and getting me in. I wouldn't be here without you."

"Maybe not right now, but you would have gotten here on your own someway." I replied, holding her hand gently.

She laughed and I looked at her beautiful smile. Things were as they should be.

"I can't wait until my stitches are out! Then I can start training," she said enthusiastically.

"Don't worry, it'll be soon."

"What if I don't make it through training though? What if I don't belong at the BAU?" she asked, looking at me nervously.

"You'll make it, and you definitely belong. They wouldn't have given this opportunity to you if you didn't."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Sara**_

I looked out at the audience, hoping that someone would be there. I knew my mom couldn't make it, but maybe someone would show up. I didn't want to be the only cadet without anyone there for them.

I started to lose hope until I saw a group of people arrive at the last minute.

Spencer, followed by the rest of his team, entered the auditorium and waved at me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that someone cared, and waved back.

Today was the day. I was finally graduating from the FBI academy. After this I hoped to join the BAU team and finally have a true family. The last six months had been exhausting, but totally worth it. I couldn't wait to begin evaluations after this.

I sat in my designated seat between two other trainees and waited for the ceremony to start.

I tugged at my dress, looking at the scars on my legs. They had faded a bit, but I still struggled to think of them as just a reminder of how strong I was. That's what Spencer said they were, and I hoped that one day I could believe it.

The instructor called out the names of my fellow cadets and I waited until I finally heard my name.

"Sara Felding." A wave of applause broke out, and I heard Morgan whistle. I looked out at the team and laughed. Garcia was waving pompoms while the rest of them clapped and shouted.

I was handed the certificate that proved I had passed my training, and I made my way off the stage.

I had really done it. I had overcome all of these obstacles and had so much more to look forward to.

_**Spencer**_

I watched Sara walk off the stage and all I could think about was how proud I was. And the fact that she could actually join the team now. The cases that we could work on together would be amazing.

"Now you can have your girl around 24/7," Morgan chuckled.

I elbowed him, and felt my face turn red.

Even though Sara and I had been together for more than six months now, it still felt new. She was so wonderful, and she actually liked me, for, well, me.

I couldn't wait to wake up to her every morning for the rest of my life. Morgan would definitely think I was a sap if he knew all of this, but I didn't care. I had finally found the girl of my dreams.

_**Sara**_

I managed to walk slowly away from the stage for a while, but then I couldn't contain my excitement anymore. I ran to Spencer, who was standing by the team.

I jumped into his arms and squealed.

"I did it!"

"I told you that you could," he replied with a smile as he hugged me back.

"Congratulations," Hotch walked up to us, and I shook his hand.

"Thank you, sir."

"Oh my goodness! Now you can officially join the team! This is amazing!" Garcia cried with happiness.

"Not too fast, I still have to go through evaluations and all that jazz," I replied, hoping with all my heart that I would make it past those.

That would prove that I belonged with the BAU. I had been working towards this since high school, and couldn't wait for evaluations to begin.

"Oh, I wouldn't be too worried about those if I were you," Rossi said with a knowing laugh, which was definitely a good sign.

"Let's leave the two lovebirds alone for a sec," Garcia said suddenly, winking at me.

"Of course, of course," Prentiss laughed.

They walked away towards the refreshments table and I looked back at Spencer.

"I can't believe I actually did it."

"You were an amazing cadet, and you'll make an amazing FBI agent," he replied as he held my hand.

The last trainee received his certificate and people began to get up. They were swarming around us and one bumped into my side, sending my drink flying.

"Let's go for a walk, it's a little crowded in here," I said, walking towards the door.

_**Spencer**_

I couldn't help but stare at Sara as we walked outside.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked nervously.

"You're beautiful, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, right," she laughed, and brushed off the compliment.

"No, I'm serious, Sara. You are a beautiful woman and I am so lucky to have you," I said, astounded that for once I wasn't awkwardly babbling.

"You give me way too much credit. I mean, look at me. Look at these scars. You could do so much better," Sara replied, the strong façade cracking slightly.

"They make you who you are. You've been through so much and you're still so optimistic about life, and the future, and just, everything," I added quickly, wrapping her in a tight hug.

She pulled away slowly and looked up at me with amazement. "I love you so much."

_**Sara**_

I watched Spencer's jaw drop as I said it, but I didn't regret it in the least.

"I love you too. More than you could ever know," he responded as he laced his fingers through mine.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Spencer**_

I woke up to the sun shining through the windows and turned to see Sara's beautiful face.

We had just moved in together right after she officially joined the BAU. Sometimes I couldn't even believe that this was all happening.

"Morning gorgeous," I said quietly as she began to wake up.

"Are you watching me sleep again?" she asked groggily, a smile forming on her face.

"But of course!"

_**Sara**_

Later that night I started to make dinner, thinking about what I was going to ask him.

Would it upset him? I didn't want it too, but I just had to ask…

Finally he walked in and I took a deep breath.

"Ooh something smells good!" he exclaimed.

"It's chicken, I think I finally got the hang of cooking," I laughed nervously.

"Wait, are you okay?" he asked. God, how I hated dating a profiler.

"Um, well, I kinda wanted to ask you something…" I trailed off, twisting the spatula in my hand.

"Ask away!"

"Could I, uh, possibly, well, uh, meet your mother?" I asked quickly, the words spilling out of my mouth.

_**Spencer**_

Oh no. No, no, no. She did not just ask that. I mean, she knew about my mother, but she didn't know everything. I didn't tell her how bad it had been.

"That wouldn't be a very good idea," I replied slowly.

"But, I just wanted to meet her, since we moved in together and everything. I just feel like it'd be the right thing to do," she said.

"No, there's no way I'm letting you meet her," I asked, starting to lose my cool.

_**Sara**_

I couldn't help it, I had to ask. And now that he was saying no, I wanted to know why.

"Why can't I meet her?" I asked.

"You know why! You know she has issues and you don't need to meet her!" he said, his voice getting louder.

"But, I was just wondering, and I wouldn't be mean and I wouldn't even talk if you didn't want me to…"

He cut me off, grabbing my arm. "DAMN IT, you are NOT going to meet her! End of discussion!"

I looked up at him, his hand still tightly around my wrist.

_**Spencer**_

I looked at Sara, unsure of what I had just done. Her eyes had widened and she braced herself, as if I was going to hit her.

I quickly loosened my grip, still in shock at how angry I had gotten. As I let go of her, she bolted towards the door. I blinked and she was gone.

I took a deep breath and walked out of the kitchen.

"Sara? Where are you?" Silence. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I just, I got mad. I'm really sorry."

I walked down the hallway, peeking into the rooms. The door of our bedroom was shut and I opened it slowly.

"Sara? Please, talk to me."

I heard sobs coming from inside the room, but I didn't see anyone. I walked in and looked around, until I could tell that they were coming from the closet.

I tried to maneuver around all of the boxes that were still around it and as I did, I hit one.

Stuff started tumbling around me and Sara's old baseball bat that she refused to throw away fell out. I caught it as it fell to stop it from making a loud noise.

I reached over and opened the closet door slowly, unaware that I was still holding the bat.

"Sara? Please, I'm sorry."

I pulled back a row of clothes to see Sara crying in the back corner, not looking at me.

"Sara?" I asked.

She finally looked up and immediately started bawling. "P-p-please don't hit me, please don't hit me."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"I don't wanna die. Please don't hit me. I-I-I don't w-wanna die," she sobbed, looking at me with terror in her eyes.

I realized what was in my hand and dropped it rapidly. "Oh my god, I'm not going to hit you. It fell out of the box. It's okay, I'm not going to hit you," I said quickly.

I got down on the floor and slowly moved towards her.

She pushed herself farther back in the corner and winced.

"I'm sorry I got mad, I'm not going to hurt you," I said, attempting to console her.

"I-I-I'm sorry I'm such a t-t-terrible person," she replied, trying to breathe normally.

"You are a wonderful person, I was just a dick," I said. What had I done? I had terrified her over a stupid little argument.

"I'm sorry I grabbed you, I was just upset. I shouldn't have done that." I gently reached over to hold her hand. She flinched for a second, but slowly calmed down.

"S-sorry I asked," Sara said quietly.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have been such an ass about it," I replied, tired of hearing her apologize when she did nothing wrong.

We sat there quietly as Sara stopped crying and I wiped the tears off her face.

She slowly laid down, finally realizing that she could trust me.

I moved so that she could lie across me and I gently ran my fingers through her hair.

"I'm sorry I got mad," I whispered.

We sat there for what seemed like hours until I heard her breathing become steady and I realized that she had fallen asleep.

I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, her hand still in mine.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Spencer**_

The next morning I woke up early with no one next to me.

"Sara?" I called out, picking myself off the floor and entering the bedroom. I found a note on the bed- _Went for a drive, see you at work._

Work wasn't for more than an hour, where was she going?

_**Sara**_

I drove aimlessly, unaware of where I was. I had to get a hold of myself. I couldn't go on freaking out every time I got into an argument with Spencer.

Finally I realized what I had to do. I had to find a way to fix this.

I pulled into a parking lot and found the business card that was in my bag. It was crumpled from the hundreds of times that I studied it, undecided on what to do.

I dialed the number and waited anxiously.

"Hello? This is Shelly," said the voice on the other end.

"H-hi Shelly, this is Sara Felding. We met at the hospital a couple of months ago."

"Oh yes, I remember! What can I do for you?"

"I was, uh, wondering if I could finally meet up with you."

"Of course! There's actually a meeting starting in fifteen minutes if you can make it."

"You have meeting at seven in the morning?" I asked incredulously.

"Some of the people that come work very late and find it best to meet in the morning. We also have evening meetings on a different day of the week. Whatever works best with you."

"I'll be there in a few minutes. Thank you so much."

"No problem, I look forward to seeing you," she replied as I hung up the phone.

My hands had finally stopped shaking and I put my foot on the gas as I pulled out of the parking lot.

A few minutes later, I arrived at the address that was on the card. It was a church. Crap. I wasn't religious, maybe they wouldn't let me go to the meetings.

I opened the door hesitantly, looking around for people. Was I at the wrong place?

Suddenly I heard footsteps and I turned to see Shelly walking towards me.

"Hi Sara, it's good to see you again."

"Hi Shelly, thanks for giving me your card. Sorry it took so long to call you."

"No apologies needed, I'm just glad that you called."

We walked down a short hallway until we reached a brightly lit room.

"This is where all of our meetings our held," she said as she opened up the door, "A few people are here, and the rest will be arriving soon."

"I don't mean to sound uneducated, but is it okay that I'm here? I'm not religious, and I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be in a church…" I trailed off, unsure of how to word my question.

"Don't worry, you don't need to be religious to be here. The church simply sponsors our meeting and is a great supporter of the group."

I thanked her for her help and found an empty seat. I looked around at the people nervously. Did I make the right decision by coming here? I had to do something about what had happened, and this seemed like the best way to do that.

A couple of minutes passed as more people entered the room, greeting Shelly as if they had known her their entire lives.

Finally the clock ticked to seven and Shelly walked to the front of the room.

"Hi everyone, most of you know that I'm Shelly. We have a few new faces today and I'd just like to say welcome to People Against Domestic Abuse, or as we call it, PADA."

I sat and listened quietly to several women speak, when Shelly came up to me.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked quietly.

"Um…" I hesitated. The woman speaking started to tear up and I realized that if she could do it, I could do it. "Sure."

_**Spencer**_

Where was she? It was almost 7:30, and she still wasn't back.

I'll see her at work, I reassured myself. It's fine, she's fine. I continued to get ready for work, drinking my second cup of coffee.

I walked outside to take out the garbage. I found the baseball bat sitting in the dumpster and had to take a deep breath to compose myself.

I threw the garbage in and ran back into the house.

_**Sara**_

"Hi, my name's Sara," I said nervously.

"Hi Sara," the crowd replied.

"Well, um, this is my first time here, but after hearing your stories I knew I had to tell mine," I continued, twisting card around in my hands.

"I had a boyfriend once, his name was Jesse. It started out the same way all relationships do, he told me I was pretty and that he could really love me one day. And then it went downhill. He hit me a couple of times, but I just ignored what was happening. Then one day he pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm."

I looked up quickly to see people looking back with sympathy and understanding.

"Anyway, I called my friends Charlie and Paul and they helped me leave him. Paul picked me up and I never saw him again… until about seven months ago. He… he killed Charlie and Paul."

I heard a collective gasp and continued, my eyes welling up with tears.

"And, and then he found me at my new apartment and took me to an abandoned barn. And he, to make a long story, well, less long, he tortured me until the FBI came and shot him. Just like that, he was dead. And, well, the real reason I came here is something that happened last night. Spencer, my boyfriend now, well, we got into an argument, our first one really, and the moment he started to raise his voice, all I could think was that he was going to hit me. And I ran and hid in our closet. I tried to reason with myself, saying that Spence would never ever hit me, but I couldn't stop crying. And then he came into the room and was in such a rush that he knocked stuff over. He opened the door and had a baseball bat in his hand and I could almost see my life flash before my eyes. I-I cowered in the corner and told him that I didn't want to die. The thing that really stood out to me was the look in his eyes when I said that. He looked at me like he was going to cry. Just like that, he dropped the bat and explained that it had fallen over when he tried to get to the closet. It-it made me realize that I can't keep living like this. I can't keep breaking down every time something happens. And, well, that's my story. Thanks for listening." I ended breathlessly, my knees shaking.

"Thank you Sara. I'm proud of you for having the courage to tell us," Shelly said with a kind smile, as the rest of the people wiped their eyes and clapped.

I nodded, and glanced up at the clock. Damn, it was almost eight.

"Sorry to run, but I have to go to work," I explained as I grabbed my bag from the chair.

"It's okay. The next meeting is in a week, same time. If you'd like to, you could bring Spencer. I think it would help you both."

"Okay, I'll think about it. Thank you for everything," I replied as I ran out the door, still wiping away the tears that were on my face.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi my dear readers, I've realized that I never actually did any real introduction. So, I'm Sara and I've been writing this for about two months. Glad y'all seem to like it and I just wanted to say pleaseee review! Or at least add to alerts or something :D I also have started another story, Someone To Save Me, so if you have a chance please check it out! Also, I'm going to Cali in a few days and don't know if I'll have internet so I'll TRY my best to update both stories at least once more before then, and I'll work on them while I'm there if I can. Thanks for sticking with this story for so long, and happy reading!**

_**Spencer**_

I sat at my desk, waiting for Sara. She said she was going to be here. Something didn't happen, right? She was fine, she was fine, she was fine.

I anxiously tapped my fingers on the desk, trying to concentrate on the paperwork in front of me.

Morgan shot me a death glare, warning me to stop tapping.

Suddenly, Sara ran in, just as the clock went to 8:00.

"Oh, thank god I made it!" she exclaimed to herself.

I got up and walked over to her, unsure of what to say.

"Are you alright?" I asked. I could tell that she had been crying, but I didn't know how to help her.

"Yeah, I'm fine I'll tell you later," she said and shrugged off whatever had just happened.

JJ walked in, holding a stack of papers.

"Oh good, everyone's here. We have a new case."

We gathered in the bullpen, JJ handing us the files as we walked in.

"Thirty five year old Laura Ulitsch was found in the woods, throat slashed, yesterday. She's the fourth possible victim in Missouri. The others were all found in different woods, throats all slashed," she said, flicking through the gruesome photos.

"What else links the victims?" Sara asked, glancing through the file.

"The second victim was found with a note that said 'Help,' the third with a note that said 'Stop it,' and the fourth, Laura, with a note that said 'Letdown.'"

'He's blaming us for his murders- or at least for not being able to stop him," said Hotch.

"We could be looking at a killer on a psychotic break. Unable to control his actions, but he wants to stop," added Morgan.

"We'll start a profile on the jet- wheels up in twenty," Hotch commanded.

_**Sara**_

As I walked out of the bullpen, I could feel Spencer following after me.

He caught up to me when I went to sit at my desk.

"Baby, please. Tell me what happened," he said with concern in his eyes.

"I'll tell you after this case," I replied, grabbing his hand, "Promise."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it now?"

"Spence, we really don't need to mix work and our relationship. It's a wonder that we're allowed to date anyways. I'll tell you this though- I'm sorry for having a meltdown yesterday and I think I'm figuring out how to fix it. No questions, I'll tell you later. Come on now, let's work on the case."

_**Spencer**_

A few hours later we landed in Missouri and had a beginning profile worked out.

I tried to keep my mind on the case, knowing that that was the right thing to do.

"JJ, you'll talk to the victims' families," Hotch directed.

"Already called them in, although I couldn't get a hold of the first victim's family- the Thoureaus," she replied.

"That's okay, we'll try to contact them again later. Morgan and Rossi, go check out the dump sites. Reid and Felding, you'll work out a geographic profile and try to narrow down the region where the unsub could be. Prentiss and I will go brief the officials, so we can all try to get ahead of this guy."

_**Sara**_

Later that night we had almost finished the geographic profile.

"Hotch, I tried to call the Thoureaus again, but still no answer," I said as he entered the room.

"Okay, we'll try again tomorrow. We need to contact all of the families to get every detail. What do you guys have so far for the geographic profile?" he replied.

"Well, we know that the four victims lived here," Spencer pointed to the areas marked on the map with red Sharpie.

"And their bodies were found here," I added, pointing to the blue dots that marked the dump sites.

"Using those eight marks, we can narrow down the possible region of the unsub to this twenty-five mile radius," Spencer finished.

"Good work, keep narrowing down the region. I'll go see how JJ is doing with the families," Hotch replied as he exited the room once more.

Spencer and I worked in comfortable silence until half an hour later, when Hotch came running back in to the room, followed by the rest of the team.

"What happened?" I asked worriedly.

"They found another body and another note. This time it said 'You'll pay,'" JJ explained.

"This unsub is trying to pin the blame on the officials for not being able to stop him. We need to find out what type of stressor would cause this kind of a delusional break," Morgan said.

"Maybe the death of a loved one? If the unsub always had the delusional tendencies, maybe even the death of their caretaker. That would be enough to send someone on a downward spiral," Prentiss mused.

"We need to find out why he's picking these victims and what else they have in common," added Rossi.

"Let's see. Angela Thoureau, thirty seven, single with a steady job. Mike Lousier, twenty nine, married with one kid. Oliver Hunter, thirty three, in a relationship, steady job. Laura Ulitsch, thirty five, single, studying to be a biologist. And the latest, Chris Tratford, thirty nine, working as a janitor," JJ read from the files.

"We need to find out what overlaps here," I asked, picking up my phone.

"The oracle of all things genius, I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me," came the voice on the other end.

"Oh Garcia, you know we could never forget about you," added JJ with a laugh.

"What can I do for you, my fine furry friends?"

"Can you cross reference the five victims from this case? Angela Thoureau, Mike Lousier, Oliver Hunter, Laura Ulitsch, and Chris Tratford. We need to find out what links these victims and where the unsub finds them. All we know is that they were all last seen two to three days before their bodies were found," Hotch explained.

"Aye aye captain, I will delve into the depths of these peoples' lives. It's what I do best. Over and out," Garcia said as she hung up the phone.

"Once we figure out why the unsub picks these specific victims and where he finds them, we'll have a better chance of finding the unsub himself," Spencer added.

Rossi nodded grimly. "Let's just hope we can get him before there's another body."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for the review, I Am Blueberry. At least someone's reading this haha. Anyways, here's another update. I'm not very good at making the cases realistic so I'm just spitting out ideas. If you have any suggestions, please tell me. I'm leaving for Cali Saturday morning, so I don't know if I'll have time to update again, but I will definitely work on the story while I'm there. **

_**Spencer**_

The next morning we gathered in the police station, dialing Garcia on speed-dial.

"Good morning, my pretties! Ready to hear what the tech master has found for you?" she bubbled over the phone.

"Ready to put this bastard away is more like it," mumbled Sara.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Anyways, as we know, Angela Thoureau ran a day care. Mike Lousier's kid went to that daycare. Oliver Hunter delivered supplies to the daycare. Laura Ulitsch worked there until she had enough money for college. And you guessed it, Chris Tratford was a janitor at said daycare."

"So, someone hates daycares?" muttered Prentiss.

"Who runs the daycare now, Garcia?" Rossi asked.

"That would be… one Kyle Thoureau. Angela's father."

"He's the one that we haven't been able to get in touch with!" I exclaimed.

"What's he doing with the place?" asked Hotch.

"He is… oh, he's selling it. The sale started…the day Angela's body was found."

"Where is he now?" Hotch continued.

"His last credit card purchases put him still at the daycare," replied Garcia.

"Shouldn't we consider him a suspect?" asked Sara.

"Why?" interjected Garcia.

"Well, it's suspicious that the sale started the day Angela was found. Usually parents take time to grieve. Also, it can't just be coincidence that all of the victims were linked to the daycare."

"He could be on a psychotic break. Maybe what started as a means to eliminate the daycare has turned into much more than he can handle," Morgan added.

"Garcia, what else can you find out about him? Any possible stressors?" asked Hotch.

"Let's see… his wife died of cancer a month ago," she replied.

"That's when the murders started!" Sara interjected.

"Felding, quit interrupting," joked Garcia, "anyways, the money that was supposed to be left to him somehow made its way into Angela's hands and then directly into the daycare. She used it for upgrades and maintenance."

"He could be angry about not receiving the money. Maybe he's taking his actions out on the daycare in general, not just Angela," Morgan suggested.

"Okay, Reid and Felding, you'll go to the daycare and see if you can talk to him. We need substantial evidence before we can bring him in," Hotch directed.

"First I'll add the daycare to the geographic profile," I explained, placing an orange dot on the map.

"That's right in the middle of the region!" Prentiss said, looking at the map more closely.

"Well, we have a lot that points to Kyle Thoureau. Now, all we need is actual evidence."

_**Sara**_

I got into the SUV with Spencer, loading the daycare into our GPS.

I tried not to be nervous, this was one of the first real cases I was on.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine," Spencer said as if he had read my mind.

"I know, it's just, ugh…" I trailed off.

"Okay, here's what we'll do. We'll go to the daycare and talk to him. If he's not there, we find him. Either way, we talk to him. Tell him we're with the FBI and we have some questions about his daughter. Did he see anything suspicious, yada yada. We have a warrant, so you can talk to him while I search the place for any evidence. Ask him about what they did as a family and what happened to his wife. Just keep him distracted. If we find anything, we bring him in. If not, we say thank you and leave quietly. Then we go to the station and continue from there."

I nodded silently, and grabbed Spencer's hand.

"Thanks, for everything," I replied.

"That's what I'm here for," he said with a laugh.

We finally arrived at the daycare, which had a large for sale sign on the front lawn.

"Well, he obviously wants to get rid of this place."

I knocked on the door and we waited. Several minutes later, an older man appeared at the door.

"H-hello?" he said.

"Hi, Mr. Thoureau? We're with the FBI and we're working on your daughter's case. Could we ask you a few questions?" I replied, us both holding up our badges.

He hesitated for a moment and then opened the door.

"Please, have a seat," he motioned towards a couch.

I looked around, noticing all of the boxes of toys.

"So, this was Angela's daycare?" Spencer asked.

A quick look of anger flashed through Mr. Thoureau's eyes before he composed himself.

"Yes, yes. It was until…" he replied, not finishing his sentence.  
>"We're very sorry for your loss. We want to help catch the person who did this, and we need your help. Did you notice anyone or anything unusual in Angela's life? Anyone new?" I added.<p>

"No, I don't think so," he mumbled.

"Do you mind if I take a look around the daycare?" Spencer asked, "It might help us to know where the unsub found Angela. Maybe they met at the grocery store or maybe he dropped off his child here."

"Okay, look around," Mr. Thoureau complied, fidgeting on the couch.

_**Spencer**_

I got up and looked at Sara. She nodded quickly, as if to assure me that she knew what she was doing.

I left the front parlor and made my way into the largest room. This had to be the one used for the main part of the daycare.

I peeked into the boxes, seeing nothing but toys.

I went through the rest of the building, but still found nothing.

Finally, I was in the back room and saw a glass door that led out to a large backyard.

I pushed it open and made my way outside. The yard was littered with toys and swing sets, normal things for a daycare.

I continued to walk and saw a truck sitting in the garage. Perfect for transporting bodies.

Then I saw it. A large shed, all the way on the edge of the property. It was almost in the woods.

I walked to the back of yard, and slowly opened the door of the shed and flicked on the light.

There was an enormous sheet over what appeared to be a table. I grabbed the sheet to reveal a blood stained table covered with different types of saws and tools.

Well, there was the evidence we needed.

I pulled out my phone and called Hotch.

"Reid?" he answered.

"There's a shed on the edge of the property with a blood covered table and various tools," I said.

"You're there now?" he asked.

"Yeah, Sara's talking to Mr. Thoureau," I replied, realizing that she was all alone with the unsub.

Suddenly there was a bloodcurdling scream from the daycare. A scream that was unmistakably Sara's.

Hotch began to bark orders into the phone. "We're on our way! Get her out of there, now!"


	17. Chapter 17

**I finally cracked the wifi code at the house we're staying at! Booya! Anyways, here you go. Hope you enjoy it and don't mind the cliffhanger too too much :D**

_**Sara**_

I tried to stop him, I really did. But what could I do? I didn't have a weapon, I hadn't even taken my damn permit test.

He pulled his gun on me as soon as he saw Spencer go into the shed, quickly putting the silencer on it. What could I have done to stop it? Nothing.

I tried to talk to him, but he just stared at me with angry eyes.

"You're responsible for this! You didn't stop me! Now you'll pay!" he screeched.

"Mr. Thoureau, you don't want to do this. We can get you help, it's not your fault," I said nervously, my hands in the air.

"It's too late!" he shouted, and just like that, I was on the ground, screaming in pain.

I tried not to look down at my stomach that was now covered in blood, as Mr. Thoureau stood there with the gun still aimed at me.

"Stupid feds! Can't do their goddamn jobs!" he yelled, more to himself than to me.

What the hell was I going to do? I tried to steady my breath.

"Mr. Thoureau, please, listen to me. It's not your fault for what happened. It's the daycare's," I protested, pretending to side with him.

"That stupid daycare! The source of all my problems!"

Where was Spencer? He couldn't just leave me here, could he?

_**Spencer**_

Holy shit. I raced towards the house, staying away from the windows. All I needed was for him to see me and for things to get worse.

What had just happened? All I heard was Sara's scream, nothing else.

I tried not to think about how much this reminded me of the case with Jesse. This was different.

I finally reached the part of the house where the unsub and Sara had been sitting. I crouched down and peeked up through the window.

Oh god. He had his back to the window and I could see Sara on the ground just in front of him, hands and shirt soaked in blood, looking terrified.

I shook my head, I had to stay focused. This was just any other case, I was just trying to save a team member.

The unsub kept moving and I couldn't get a clear shot at him. Then, Sara looked up and saw me. Relief flashed through her eyes. Had she really thought I was going to leave her there?

She stood up shakily, attempting to talk to the unsub.

_**Sara**_

Spencer was here. Thank god.

I tried to come up with a plan and scanning the room, I found a photo of the unsub's wife.

"Mr. Thoureau? Is that your wife?" I said pointing to the picture.

He seemed surprised and lowered his gun for a moment and sighed. Just as quickly, he put it back up.

"Would she want this?" I asked, trying to reason with him.

"How the hell should I know?" he replied with a snarl.

At least he was standing still now.

I glanced at Spencer. Shoot him, shoot him, dear god, just shoot him.

I wasn't one to condone killing, but I really wanted to get out of there alive.

Spencer looked at me, as if he could tell what I was thinking. He motioned for me to move out of the way, and I slowly lowered myself to the ground.

"What are you doing?" snapped Mr. Thoureau.

"My-my stomach hurts," I said, which was true of course.

"Serves you right," he replied, and at that moment a bullet shattered the window and hit him square in the chest.

He fell quickly and Spencer climbed through the broken window, yelling into his phone for a medic.

I let out the breath that I must have been holding for a while and sank all the way to the ground.

Spencer leaned over the body and checked for a pulse.

"He's gone," he said slowly.

I attempted to stay composed as he made his way through the broken glass to me.

_**Spencer**_

I finally reached Sara and lowered myself to the floor, putting my hands over her stomach.

"Did the bullet go through?" I asked, wanting to keep her alert.

"I, I, I don't think so," she stuttered, letting a few tears slip.

"Hey, it's okay. You're going to be fine," I said, trying not to show my concern at the amount of blood she had lost.

She had to be fine, right?

Suddenly I heard slamming of doors. I could see the team running out of the SUVs.

"Hotch, we're in here!" I yelled, keeping my hands on Sara. The blood soaked through her shirt and she looked around, only semi-conscious.

"Are they here?" she asked woozily, and then her head fell back. I stopped her from hitting the ground and saw Hotch run in, followed by the rest of the team.

"Sara, stay with me!" I said, trying to wake her up. This was all too similar to last time. She had survived that, she could survive this, right? She had to.

"What happened?" Hotch asked, his usually hard features softened with concern.

"I had Sara distract the unsub while I searched for evidence. While I was at the shed, he must have pulled a gun on her and shot her. I hid outside by the window and she sidetracked him so I had a clear shot, and so I shot him, and, and," I tried to continue, shaking.

"It's okay, Reid, good work," he said, "The medics will be here soon."

After what seemed like hours, but I knew it was only a few minutes, an ambulance pulled up and medics pushed a stretcher inside the house.

"Twenty year old female, gunshot to the abdomen," Hotch informed them.

They nodded and quickly pulled her onto the stretcher.

"Go with her Reid, we'll stay here and wrap things up," he said to me.

I ran to the ambulance and jumped in, thinking about the last time I had been in one.

On the ride to the hospital I held her hand in mine as the medics tried to contain the blood.

Her eyelids fluttered open for a second.

"Spence? You shoulda stayed with the team," she mumbled.

"Are you insane? I'd never leave you, you should know that!" I replied softly.

We reached the hospital and I saw her get pushed into the operating room. I stood there for a moment, watching the doors swing back and forth as I lost sight of her.

I sank down in a chair, knowing that I had no other option.

Now all I could do was wait, and man, waiting was hell.


	18. Chapter 18

**Yay another update! I am on a roll! I'm glad you all enjoyed the cliffhanger and as for a sequel, I'm not sure yet. I don't know where this one will end, but since I really don't want it to end, I'm leaning towards a sequel but no promises! This was a difficult chapter to write, but I hope y'all enjoy it.**

_**Spencer**_

I sat impatiently for what seemed like days. Where the hell were the doctors?

I had read all of the magazines in the waiting room and watched the people enter and leave.

Another doctor walked in, but I assumed that it was for the lady that had been sitting across from me for the last few hours.

"Is anyone here for Sara Felding?" I heard him ask and I jumped up.

"Me, Spencer Reid. I'm her boyfriend," I said quickly.

"I'm Doctor Yaruka, please come with me," he replied.

"Is she alright?" I asked with concern. What was he not telling me?

"Just come with me, I'll explain on the way there," he said as we left the waiting room.

"What's wrong?" I asked anxiously.

"We were able to remove the bullet from her abdomen, but she is still unconscious. She lost a lot of blood," Dr. Yaruka said with concern.

"Like, the meds haven't worn off yet, right? Right?" I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

"I'm sorry, but she's in a coma. We don't know if or when she'll wake up," he replied as he led me to her room.

I tried to say something to him, but the words wouldn't come out. A coma? No, she had to be alright.

"It might help if you talk to her. All we can really do now is wait. I'm sorry Mr. Reid," he said, quietly stepping aside to let me into the room.

I looked at her, my Sara, sitting in the hospital bed. She looked so weak and alone, tubes all over her.

I could feel my eyes starting to tear up, and I tried not to cry.

What was I going to do? I couldn't do anything to help her.

I sat down next to her and gently grabbed her hand.

"S-Sara, please, wake up. You have to be alright, you just have to. I love you and I need you. Please, just wake up."

I sat there talking to her quietly with no response. Not even the slightest movement.

I finally gave up and let the tears take over.

_**Sara**_

Was I dead? No, I couldn't be dead, could I?

I heard Spencer's voice and opened my eyes. I tried to say something but nothing came out.

I could see his hand on mine but I couldn't feel it. Was I paralyzed? Why would I be paralyzed?

I tried to move my arm and I could feel the movement but my arm stayed put.

I stood up and gasped.

There I was lying in a hospital bed and here I was looking at me.

I was dead, wasn't I? I mean, there wasn't another explanation.

I looked down at Spencer and saw the tears running down his face.

My heart seemed to ache when I saw him crying. I reached out to comfort him but my hand went through his shoulder.

He shivered for a second and I swore that he had felt me touch him.

I had to be dead. Or at least dying. Why else would I be standing here watching myself lie in a hospital bed?

"Sara, please wake up. I need you, please. I love you so much, stay with me," I heard Spencer say.

What was happening? Suddenly I saw a light by the door.

I couldn't help but laugh to myself. This was like one of those cheesy movies, where the girl picks whether she wants to live or not.

It must be all of the pain killers. I was hallucinating. This was all a dream.

Besides, there would be no decision to be made. I would want to live. Who wouldn't?

I stood there for a few minutes, waiting to wake up.

Nothing happened, and I moved closer to, well, me. I leaned over, looking at all of the tubes.

God, I was a mess. I hoped I didn't actually look like that when I woke up.

I sat down next to Spencer, wishing that I could talk to him.

If this wasn't a dream, was I dying? I didn't want to die.

Minute by minute, I felt like I was slipping away. Was I waking up? I waited for a few moments, hoping. I saw the monitors by the bed and watched as the heartbeat became sporadic.

Oh my god. I was dying. No, no, I couldn't die. I didn't want to die. If this was like those cheesy movies, then I could live, right?

Spencer heard the beeping of the monitor and looked up with a start.

"Doctor! DOCTOR!" he screamed, the tears still running down his face.

I couldn't leave Spencer. I tried to reach for him, but everything went black.

_**Spencer**_

I stood at the back of the room, my hands in my hair. What was happening?

She couldn't be dying. No, she couldn't.

Dr. Yaruka and several nurses ran in and one grabbed a defibrillator.

"She's going into v-fib!" she yelled as she rubbed the paddles together.

I watched as they shocked her, the machines going crazy.

I closed my eyes, hoping that all of this was a dream. I would wake up and Sara would be fine and we would be heading to work together.

The beeping slowed for a moment, and then the line went flat.

I started to sob again as they began to shock her once more.

Please live, please live, please live. What would I do without you?

Finally her heart rate became steady

"She's stable," Dr. Yaruka said as the nurse put down the paddles.

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

She was alive. Everything was alright, she was alive.

"W-what happened?" I stammered, trying to understand.

"Her body is under stress from the surgery and her heart went into overdrive. Hopefully this doesn't happen again, but we can't be sure," he explained sympathetically.

"And, and you don't know when she'll wake up?" I reiterated.

"No, I'm afraid not. I can have one of the nurses bring in a cot if you'd like to stay here."

"Y-yeah, that'd be good," I replied, "I'll have one of my coworkers bring me some clothes and stuff."

He exited the room and I sat down next to Sara.

"Reid? What's going on?" Hotch asked with concern.

"She's in a coma Hotch. She, she lost a lot of blood, and, and they don't know if she'll wake up," I sobbed.

"Oh god, I am so sorry. Is there anything we can do for you?" he replied.

"I can't come into work until, until she wakes up," I said slowly.

"Of course, that's understandable. Do you want somebody to bring you clothes?" he asked.

"Is Morgan there? He's been to my apartment before."

Hotch handed Morgan the phone and I tried not to lose it anymore.

"I'm sorry Pretty Boy. How can we help?" he said with sympathy.

"C-could you go to my apartment and grab me some clothes? I can't leave Sara."

"Of course. Is it okay if we come and visit? The team would really like to."

"Yeah, I think she'd like that," I replied, gazing at Sara.

"Okay, we'll be there soon. Stay strong."

I hung up the phone and leaned down on the hospital bed.

Why was this happening to her? It should have been me. I at least had a gun to defend myself.

I began to talk to her again, anything to break the silence. "Sara, if you can hear me, you have to know that I love you and I need you and you can't leave me. I don't know what I'd do without you."


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys! I just got back from California yesterday and slept all day, but I finally had time to update today. :D Just a random thought here: there are so many plot turns building in my mind and they're so exciting and then I realize that it's too late in the story. I'm like "Ooh I can do that- oh wait it's been more than 6 months since the attack." It kind of makes me sad, but hopefully you like where I'm going with this anyway. Toodles!**

_**Spencer**_

I sat by Sara's side, waiting for the team to arrive. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake by Garcia.

"Hey sleepyhead, we're here," she said with a slight smile.

"Oh hey guys," I replied groggily.

"Here's some clothes from your apartment Pretty Boy," Morgan said, handing me a duffel bag, "Didn't really know what you'd want but I grabbed everything purple and those sweaters that you love."

"Thanks, that's fine," I replied, putting the bag down by the bed.

"Any change?" Rossi asked with concern.

"She, uh, she went into v-fib once but they got her stabilized. Now all we can do is wait," I said. Trying to distract myself, I added, "What happened at the daycare?"

"The body was taken to the morgue and we swept the place for evidence. We found a list of names, with all of the victims and several intended vics," Hotch said.

"I informed the families so that they can finally have some closure," added JJ.

"Good, well at least we saved the intended victims…" I trailed off.

"Hey, Pretty Boy, don't worry like this. It won't do you any good."

"But, but, it's my fault! It should have been ME in there! Why did I leave her when I knew that she didn't even have a gun?" I tried not to cry as I continued, "It's all my fault. I was so stupid."

"Reid, you did the right thing. Felding was better prepared for distracting the unsub while you found substantial evidence. It's what the plan was, it wasn't anything you did or didn't do," Hotch replied.

"I know, I know. It just feels like it's my fault," I sighed.

"Anyway, we come bearing gifts," Garcia said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Really Pen?" I replied, laughing.

"You know me Boy Wonder. Did you expect anything less?" she giggled, holding out a bouquet of rainbow flowers.

"Well, they're perfectly you… and Sara actually. You two are both a bit eccentric," I said.

"I know, she just hides it better."

"Better? Baby girl, you don't hide it at all," laughed Morgan.

"Jack made this," Hotch added, handing me a painting with several stick figures on it.

"There's me, Prentiss, JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Rossi, Sara, and you," he said pointing to each figure.

"It's wonderful! I'm sure Sara will like it," I thanked him and hung the picture on the bulletin board on the wall.

Suddenly JJ's phone rang and she answered it with a worried look.

"Uh huh, yes, we'll be there," she said, hanging up the phone.

"New case?" asked Hotch.

"Yeah, it's in Missouri. Three victims in two weeks," she replied.

"Okay, well let's head to the BAU. We'll come back as soon as we can," he said to me.

"Okay, see you then. Thanks for everything, really guys."

"You two are part of our family. It's what you do for family," JJ said as she gave me a quick hug.

I watched as they walked out, each turning back to give me a wave before they disappeared out of sight.

"Sara, you should see what they gave you. These flowers are outrageous and Jack's picture is beautiful," I said to her, with no response, as usual.

I sat there, lost in thought. She had to wake up. She just had to.

Half an hour passed when I heard two pairs of footsteps walking into the room.

Dr. Yaruka entered followed by a tall thin woman with short brown hair. She was clutching a brief case and looked very businesslike.

"Oh my goodness. Sara!" she said with a gasp as she saw Sara lying in the hospital bed.

"I'll leave you with her," the doctor said before exiting the room.

The woman, who I assumed was her mother, stood there in silence for a moment until she seemed to realize that I was there.

"Um, hello. Are you with the police?" she asked, noticing my badge that was lying on the counter.

"I'm with the FBI, I work with Sara. Are you her mother?" I replied cautiously, unsure of how much Sara had told her about me, if anything.

"Oh how rude of me. Yes, I'm Karen Felding. I can't believe my baby girl works at the FBI! She knew how upset I was that I couldn't make it to her ceremony, but I couldn't get the day off," she babbled nervously, still looking at Sara.

"I'm Agent Spencer Reid, Sara and I am dating," I dared to say and she finally looked up.

"Oh that's wonderful! But, what exactly happened to her? All Dr. Yaruka told me was that she was shot," Mrs. Felding asked.

"Sara and I went to a potential suspect's house and we were supposed to find evidence so that we could take him into custody. The unsub, unknown subject, became suspicious and shot her. She was able to distract him long enough for me to shoot him," I said, leaving out the part where I left her unarmed daughter alone with a potential suspect.

"My goodness!" she exclaimed, "That's awful! But, the man's dead now? He can't hurt anyone else, right?"

"Yes, he's dead," I replied.

"Well, that's good then," she trailed off, "I won't be able to stay much longer. I have to catch a flight soon for work."

I tried to recall what little things Sara had told me about her mother, but I didn't remember her mentioning that she was a workaholic.

"I know, I know, I should stay. But I can't, I have a huge corporate meeting tomorrow and my flight leaves in an hour," she said, more to herself than to me, "Could you call me if anything changes Mr. Reid?"

"Spencer's fine, and of course, just leave me your number," I replied, unsure of what else to say.

She quickly jotted down a number on a napkin that was on the table.

"Here you go, and thank you for being with her. Sara never had too many boyfriends, besides that one awful boy. I only met him once though," Mrs. Felding said as she gathered her belongings.

Was she talking about Jesse? She hadn't even known that Jesse was hurting Sara? Did Sara tell her mother anything? Well I couldn't really blame her, her mother was leaving her while she was in a coma in the hospital with her boyfriend that she had just met.

I was surprised that Mrs. Felding even knew Sara was in the FBI. I didn't think she even knew about the last time she was hospitalized.

"Thank you so much Spencer! Take good care of her," she called as she walked out of the room.

"Goodbye Mrs. Felding, I'll call you if anything happens."

I sank down in my chair, relieved that she was gone.

"Sara, you didn't tell me how much of a handful your mother was."


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry it's been so long guys, but here's another chapter! Thanks for reading and please review! BTW, I haven't given up on my other story, this one's just more fun to update :D**_**  
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_**Spencer**_

It seemed like all I did was sit in Sara's room. I swear I saw some of the nurses look at me with pity every time they walked by the room.

That was fine and all, but I didn't want their pity. I wanted Sara.

"Come on Sara, it's been five days already," I said, trying not to break down again.

A few minutes later my phone started to ring.

"Hey JJ," I said sullenly.

"Is there any change?" she asked, cutting to the chase immediately.

"N-No. Nothing."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Is there anything we can do?"

"Actually, could you bring me the case files on my desk? I need something to do. It sounds stupid, but I didn't want to leave Sara to go get them," I replied.

"That's not stupid, and I'd be happy to bring them…if you had any."

"What?" I said, slightly mystified, "I had 26 of them."

"Leave it to you to remember how much paperwork you have," she laughed, "but they've all been completed. Someone must have handed them in because they're on my desk."

"Tell the team thanks."

"Sometimes I forget that we can't surprise you," JJ replied, "Look, do you want to come down to the BAU? We have a new local case and it seems like you could use some time away from the hospital."

I looked over at Sara, who was laying the same way she had been for the past five days. I didn't want to leave her, but this hospital was getting to me.

"Let me talk to the doctor and I'll call you back," I said, hanging up the phone.

I walked down the hallway until I came across Dr. Yaruka.

"Hello, Spencer," he said, while I thought about how sad it was that he was familiar enough with me to use my first name.

"Hi, Doctor. My team just got a local case and I was wondering if Sara would be alright by herself for a day at a time. I'd be back at night because it's here in Quantico," I babbled.

"She'll be fine. I'll have the nurses look after her and call you if anything changes," he replied with understanding.

"Thank you! I'll go get my stuff," I said as I walked back to Sara's room.

The moment I looked at her I felt bad for wanting to go, but I tried to reason with myself. Sitting next to her wasn't helping anyone. I was going insane and she was, well, she was going nowhere.

I grabbed my duffel bag, not wanting to leave it unguarded in the hospital, and pushed the cot into the small closet.

I walked over to Sara and kissed her on the forehead.

"Don't worry baby, I'm just going on a case. I'll be back before you even know it. See you tonight."

I was eager to leave the hospital but I couldn't help looking back as I walked outside.

I got into the SUV that the team had left me and looked in the mirror. Wow. The circles under my eyes were worse than normal and I looked pasty.

Whatever. I'm getting out for a few hours and then I'll be back with Sara. It'll work out just fine.

I arrived at the BAU and walked to the bullpen. Everyone smiled when they saw me.

"Hey Pretty Boy, good to see you," Morgan said with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me on this case. As much as I want to be with Sara, I was kind of losing my marbles in there."

"We're glad you're here," JJ said, briefing me on the case.

I made a geographic profile as she explained.

"Here's where the unsub most likely lives or works," I said, pointing to a small circle on the map.

We continued to work until it was nearly midnight.

"Guys, we won't be able to get much else done today, why don't you all go home?" Hotch suggested, "We'll pick it up in the morning."

I nodded, eager to get back to Sara. It had been nice to spend a while away from the hospital though.

I went back into her room and saw that nothing had changed. I don't know why I expected anything different, but I had hoped.

"Hey Sara. I'm back. The new case is very interesting. There are three victims, all male joggers killed in the early morning. It's highly unusual that male joggers are killed, 93% are women… anyway. I'm babbling again. Well, I guess I'll go to sleep now. Love you."

I set up the cot as close to her as I could and turned off the light. The hallway was still eerily bright with nurses and doctors walking back and forth.

The next morning I woke up early, the noises of the hospital ringing in my ears. The hallways were crowded but Sara's room was empty except for the two of us.

I looked over at her, but her eyes were still closed. I sighed, just wanting her to wake up.

"I guess I'll go to work," I whispered to her, pretending she was just sleeping, "See you later."

I arrived at the BAU, just like yesterday. We were a lot closer to finding the unsub though.

"Garcia, make a suspect pool. Anyone who knew all three of the men, anyone working in the parks they were found, anything that overlaps," Hotch directed.

"Aye aye captain!" she replied, leaving the room to return to what she liked to call her lair.

We worked for what seemed like hours until we had finally narrowed it down to two suspects.

"Prentiss and Rossi, go interview Dallas Procher. Morgan and I will go interview Ronald Wares," Hotch said, "Reid and JJ, help Garcia find out more about both of them."

As the team was leaving, my phone began to ring.

They looked at me with concern, not knowing who could be calling.

I answered quickly, "Reid here."

"Mr. Reid?" called an uncertain voice, "It's Nurse Goodwin. Sara's awake."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! Once again, sorry it's been so long. Shortly after I wrote that last chapter my laptop broke and I just got it back yesterday. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Please read and review as always :P**

_**Spencer**_

"What? She's awake?" I asked, looking at the team with shock.

They all stared back with open mouths. Even the normally held together Hotch looked slightly overwhelmed.

"Yes, she woke up about ten minutes ago. I would have called you sooner, but I'm the only nurse on duty and I had to make sure her vitals were stable and such," the nurse answered, sounding like she was running.

"Are you with her now?" I replied, standing up quickly.

"No, I'm on my way to the next patient. We are way understaffed tonight, but Sara's doing fine and you should come see her as soon as you can."

"Of course, I'll be there in a couple of minutes." I grabbed my coat and bag, the team following me out of the bullpen.

I hung the phone up with a click as I continued to the SUV. Thank god she woke up. Everything was going to be alright.

"She's awake!" Garcia exclaimed to herself. I had almost forgotten that they were behind me in my rush to get to Sara.

"The nurse says that she's stable and I should come as soon as possible. You guys stay here. I want to make sure Sara's okay. Well, as okay as she can be. Don't want to freak her out or anything," I replied, getting into the car.

"Of course. Call us when you can," Hotch said, ever the voice of reason.

I tried not to speed out of the parking lot, watching the team waving in the rearview mirror.

The smiles on everyone's faces were contagious, or maybe I had been the first to smile. How could I not? Sara was awake. After a week of waiting, she was awake.

How was she going to be? The nurse said that she was fine, but what about emotionally? I mean, I was a profiler, I've seen a lot of victims with shock and PTSD from injuries like this.

I tried to shake the thoughts from my head as I sped down the road. I'd help her through it all. Everything would work out.

I finally arrived at the hospital and ran to the front door. I tried to compose myself as I took long strides down the corridor. Eventually I was able to slow to a walk right outside Sara's room. I really didn't need to scare her right now.

I walked in eagerly, unsure of how alert she would be.

What I didn't expect was to see her hugging a pillow over her face, her cries muffled and all of her machines unplugged. The IVs dripped slowly on the floor.

"Sara, stop it. Sara! What are you doing?" I said, trying to pull the pillow away from her.

"Just let me die," she sobbed into the pillow.

"WHAT?" I exclaimed, grabbing the pillow off of her.

She looked up in shock, seeming to register who I was.

"Oh my god. I-I thought you l-left me," she cried.

I hastily plugged her machines and IVs back in, not comprehending what was happening.

"How could you think I left you?" I asked shakily as I sat down next to her.

"I woke up and no one was here. I thought you gave up on me…" she said, her voice cracking from the time it had gone unused.

"Sara, I would never ever give up on you. Never in a billion years, although according to scientists a billion years may not be a plausible amount of time… As for why I was gone, I went to help the team on a local case. I told you that… although I guess I should have known you couldn't hear me. Survival rates of coma victims are less than 50 percent and the odds that you could have heard me are way lower than that," I babbled.

_**Sara**_

He, he didn't leave me. I struggled to take a deep breath as the IVs that he had put back in my arm started to take effect. The burning sensation in my stomach where the stitches ached slowly faded.

"Hey, hey calm down Spence," I cracked a smile.

"I should be the one comforting you. You shouldn't even be talking, you should be resting!"

"You think the nurse didn't tell me that?" I croaked, suddenly aware of how bad my voice sounded and how fast the room was spinning. What just happened?

"Just lay back down. I won't leave you, I promise," he replied, putting the pillow behind my head.

I laid there for a few minutes, trying to stifle any thoughts, but it failed.

"Shit, I'm such a nut job!" I exclaimed as the realization of what I just did flooded my mind.

"Sh, no you're not."

"Um, hello, I just got depressed because I thought my boyfriend left me and I tried to kill myself with a fucking pillow!" I said laughing hoarsely.

"Wow, they really have you on some strong painkillers," Spencer replied, looking at my chart, "They kicked in in less than ten minutes… Anyways, just try to get some rest."

"Okay, okay Mr. Bossy pants," I said, trying to stop the room from spinning.

I finally closed my eyes.

"I love you, Sara."

"Love you too, Spencey-wencey."


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys, sorry it's been so long. I was in NY with no internet for about a week, but I love you guys so much that I handwrote this and typed it up today. Sorry for the wait, hope the length makes up for it. :D**

_**Spencer**_

I woke up with a thud as I gracelessly rolled off the cot onto the floor. I jumped up quickly, afraid that I had woken Sara, but she was still sleeping peacefully.

For a moment I just sat there, marveling at her. She was going to be fine. This wonderful girl was going to be alright and she was mine.

I'd marry her one day. I just had to. Now wasn't the time, but it would be one day.

_**Sara**_

I heard the sound of footsteps and opened my eyes, but it was just a nurse running by.

"Morning beautiful."

"Some things never change," I said as I turned to Spencer, "Still watching me while I sleep."

"I can't help it," he replied with a smile, "And I'm glad you're finally making coherent sentences."

"What? I didn't say anything weird," I said defensively.

He took my hand and tried to look as serious as possible.

"Sara… you called me Spencey-wencey."

I burst out laughing, definitely not expecting that.

"Well, I guess it kind of fits how cute you are."

I watched as Spencer's face instantly turned red. "Uh, I'm, uh-"

"Oh shush, you're adorable. I'd kiss you on your cute little face, but I can't really reach you."

Still blushing, he stood up and leaned over.

"Is this better?" he asked.

"Much," I replied, placing my lips on his.

_**Spencer**_

I let the kiss linger, enjoying every second with her.

I sat back down on the cot, still leaning towards the bed.

"I'm so glad you're awake. I know that sounds stupid to say, but I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. Actually, I told you that plenty of times, but I guess you never heard me."

Sara hesitated for a moment before saying, "Well, there was this one time I heard you. I saw you too…."

"That's scientifically impossible since your eyes never opened," I babbled.

"Hush up for a moment hun," she said with a smile.

"Sorry, guess I get carried away sometimes."

"I know," Sara laughed, "but anyways, there was this time, I don't know when, but I saw you and I saw your hand on mine but I couldn't feel it. I thought maybe I was paralyzed so I tried to stand up, and I did, but then I saw you, and well, I saw me too."

"That's-" I exclaimed, but she cut me off.

"And you were crying and telling me that I had to wake up and all I could think was 'Why wouldn't I wake up?' I just wanted to be with you and make you stop crying but then I heard beeping and you screaming and everything went black."

Holy shit. I stared at her for a second, unsure of what to say.

"Oh, so I scared the scientific babbling out of you?" Sara asked with a laugh.

"Hey, that's not very nice!" I shot back.

She let out a giggle then we heard someone clear their throat.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Morgan said with a smirk from the doorway.

"I was just making fun of Spence. I'm sure you've had some experience with that."

"Oh yeah, I can't blame you for that one. Pretty Boy's just too much fun to tease."

_**Sara**_

People were actually coming to see me? Whenever I was sick as a kid no one visited me…

I must have spaced out for a minute because I heard Morgan go, "Earth to Felding! I asked if it was okay if the rest of the team comes."

"Oh, of course," I replied hastily, shocked more people wanted to see me.

"Good, because they're in the hall," Morgan laughed.

He left the room for a second and reentered with everyone following him.

"AHHH Sara!" squealed Garcia as she ran over and gave me a careful hug.

"Pen! I can't believe you guys came to see me!"

"You thought we wouldn't?" asked Prentiss with a laugh, also hugging me.

"Well, I don't know, I thought you'd be too busy for me," I said as JJ hugged me as well.

"Come on, you're never too busy for family," Garcia said.

Family? I was finally part of a normal family?

Spencer must have seen the look on my face because he reached over and took my hand quickly.

"We're just glad you're back," Hotch added supportively.

"What happened at the daycare?" I dared to ask.

"Really?" Spencer said, but I cut him off.

"I just want to know, sue me."

"The unsub's body went to the morgue and the rest went into evidence and we let the families know," Rossi replied.

"Thank you DAVE," I said, shooting a look at Spencer.

"Anyway, we could only come in for a second because we have to take the jet to Oklahoma in a few minutes," Hotch explained.

"Ooh, Oklahoma… I could go…" I trailed off.

"Not so fast lady, you were in a coma for seven days. You're not going anywhere," Garcia said quickly.

"Fine," I sighed, "So, it's really been seven days?"

"Don't worry, you'll be back before you know it," JJ said with a smile.

_**Spencer**_

I watched as the team walked out of the room, all smiling and waving goodbye.

The sheer happiness at having Sara back was visible.

"You should go with them," Sara said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm not going to leave you, you know that," I replied quickly.

"Really? Just go, I'll still be here when you get back," she said with a short laugh.

"Nope, the next case I go on will be with you," I spit back with a smile.

"Fine, I give up," she replied, leaning back in her bed.

Should I ask her about it? She had looked so shocked, how could I not ask?

"Come on, ask me already," she said, making me jump.

"What?" I asked, trying not to reveal what I had been thinking.

"You've looked like you wanted to ask me something even before the team left. Just spit it out," she replied, fiddling with her blanket.

"N-no, there's nothing-" I started, but she glared at me.

"Fine, fine, if you insist… well, um, I was just wondering why you looked so shocked when Garcia said you were part of our family?" I asked apprehensively.

_**Sara**_

"Well, I guess it was just unexpected," I replied, "I've never really been part of a family."

"What about your mother?"

"Well, uh… whatever, you might as well know everything."

Spencer looked at me as if he was unsure of what to expect.

"I was an only child and my childhood was pretty normal until my dad left us… I was eleven and one day he just went to the bar and never came back. My mom kind of lost it then. She became a workaholic and I never saw her. She never came to my concerts or school plays and she got really nutty. But she must be good at her job because last I knew she was busy climbing the corporate ladder. I haven't seen her in nearly five years. I doubt she even remembers that I'm in the FBI," I said, finally letting out a long breath.

"Oh she knows," Spencer replied after a moment.

"What, profiler's instinct?" I asked with a forced laugh.

"N-no, she was here the other day. The hospital had to call the next of kin," he said.

I felt my jaw drop and tried to speak.

"S-she c-came here? Why'd you let her in here?" I stuttered.

"I couldn't legally force her from coming to see you," he said quietly, "and I had no idea you felt so strongly about your mother."

"She was almost never home and when she was it was with her jackass pervy boyfriends that always hit me and tried to peek up my skirt. I cooked and cleaned and went grocery shopping and ate Thanksgiving dinner by myself. I couldn't have friends over because of the nasty boyfriends, but I had almost no friends anyway. I bought my prom dress by myself and carried it back to our house. Last year I went out with Charlie and her mom on Mother's Day," I said, finally letting out a sob at the mention of my best friend.

Spencer looked at me with a mixture of shock and concern.

_**Spencer**_

"I, I had no idea Sara," I whispered.

"It's okay, I-I'm sure you had it much worse," she sniffed, trying not to look at me.

"Actually, about the same. Different situations, same amount of awful."

"It was pretty awful," she admitted.

"Yeah, we were pretty screwed in the childhood department," I said quietly.

We sat there for a moment until she looked at me suddenly.

"Sit with me."

"Um, Sara, I AM sitting with you."

"Don't be thick, sit on the bed with me," she said, wiping the drying tears off of her face, "Look, it can elevate. I'm sitting up which means it's all fancy and scientifical, you should enjoy that."

I looked at her, trying to decide whether or not she was serious.

"I don't want to hurt you…"

"You won't, silly, just sit on this side."

I sighed and sat down carefully on the bed.

"I'm not made of glass, Spence."

_**Sara**_

He finally laid back next to me.

"See, it wasn't that hard," I laughed.

We sat there for a minute when I realized something.

"Spence, you're staring at me again."

"I can't help it," he replied softly.

"Sure you can, just look somewhere else."

"Can't do that. I'm afraid that if I look away you'll leave me," he said with a sad look in his eyes.

"That's ridiculous, I'd never leave you. You should know that by now."

"I guess I do, it's just that I came so close to losing you and I don't ever want that to happen again," he replied, his eyes wet with tears.

I laid my head on his shoulder and wiped away the lone tear that was running down his cheek.

"It won't happen again. I'll always be here, I promise."


	23. Chapter 23

**I also wrote this chapter while in NY, so this whole 'two chapters in one week' thing will probably never happen again. Sorry to disappoint, but classes start tomorrow. I'll definitely keep updating, but it will be very sporadic. Please read and review as always :D**

_**Sara**_

"Okay, Sara, your vitals are stable and I see no reason why you can't leave," Dr. Yaruka said as he examined his charts.

"Oh thank god," I exclaimed, leaning back in the bed. I needed to get out of here.

He laughed, "I get that a lot. I'll just have Nurse Goodwin finish up and you should be good to go."

"Thanks doc," I replied with a smile as the nurse walked in.

"Hi Sara!" she said, "Ready to go home?"

"You could say that, Brenda."

It's pretty sad when you're on a first name basis with your nurse, but whatever. I was going home.

She filled out the rest of my chart after checking my stitches.

"You should be able to get those out in about a week."

"Oh great, another scar," I said with a short laugh.

Spencer looked at me like he wanted to say something, but he waited until Dr. Yaruka and Brenda left the room.

_**Spencer**_

"Sara, it doesn't matter if you have another scar," I said softly.

"Sure it doesn't."

"Come on, you're beautiful. A little scar won't change that."

Her eyes widened for a second.

"A little scar? Do you see me? All I am is scars," she exclaimed, grasping onto the side of her bed, fighting back tears.

I sat down next to her and grabbed her hand, her grip tightening around my hand.

"You're so much more than that, and I'll keep saying that until you believe it. It's true."

Sara sniffed and wiped away tears with her free hand.

"Holy crap, I'm a mess," she laughed.

"A beautiful one."

_**Sara**_

I sighed, unable to believe that this amazing man was sitting right here, talking about me.

"You're the best," I said.

"So are you… We should probably get out of here before the nurses decide they like you too much to let you leave. I'll carry your stuff to the car and then we can go," Spencer said, grabbing my bags with a smile.

I was struck with an odd realization as he began to walk away.

"Hey, Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"How did I get to this hospital? The last case was in Missouri…" I asked, mildly confused.

"Oh, we had you transferred here as soon as you were stable. The team wanted to be able to visit you," he replied nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal.

"They cared that much?" I wondered aloud. I didn't think anyone would ever care that much about me.

"Of course they did silly. Now wait a second, I'll be right back," he said, carrying our bags down the hallway.

As I waited for him to return, my head was swimming with thoughts. Did my mother know I was okay? Did she care? Did I care if she cared? …That was a stupid question, of course I cared.

Should I tell Spencer about the PADA meeting? It seemed so long ago, why should I bother? Would he even want to know?

It did seem like a good idea at the time, but maybe I should just forget about it.

I sat there lost in thought until I heard footsteps.

"Ready?" I asked as I began to pull myself off the bed shakily.

"Not so fast!" he replied, grabbing a wheelchair from the behind him, "The nurse said you shouldn't walk too far."

"Seriously?" I groaned, "I'm fine. I don't even know why I had to stay here so long."

"You know why, Sara. There were major complications and the nurse said to use the wheelchair, doctor's orders. I'm not going to disobey that," Spencer said, motioning for me to sit in the chair.

"What, is there an unspoken doctor's code?" I grumbled as I sat down. This was embarrassing.

"That's better, you can walk plenty when you're back at work."

"Tomorrow!" I exclaimed. I had to go back, I was going insane with boredom.

"IF you are up to it. No rush," he replied, wheeling me down the hall.

"If I'm up to it? I've been out of work for more than two weeks, I'm more than up to it. And I can wheel myself around, thank you very much," I said grumpily and then promptly wheeled straight into the wall.

"Shit."

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked with concern, forgetting our argument for a moment. He leaned over and studied me, probably trying to decide what the cause of my psychosis was.

"I'm fine, just get me out of here."

_**Spencer**_

I couldn't help but laugh at Sara's eagerness to get out of the hospital. I knew all too well what that felt like.

I was just afraid she was expecting too much from herself. She'd been confined to a bed nearly 24/7 for two weeks. Was she really hoping to go to work the next day?

We got to the car and I helped her into the passenger's seat, ignoring her complaints.

"Okay, I'm gonna bring the chair inside, I'll be right back," I said, turning towards the hospital.

A few minutes later I reentered the parking lot and turned to the car, excited to get home. I hadn't been there for more than two weeks and wanted things to go back to normal.

I tried not to yell when I saw someone lying in the back of our SUV.

All I could see was a pair of jeans that looked like Sara's. I wanted to run over but my years at the BAU had made me so paranoid.

"Sara?" I called cautiously, walking quickly towards the car.

"I'm okay," I heard her sniffle from the back. I sprinted towards her.

"Shit, I didn't know if that was you! Well, of course it was you, who else would it be? Are you okay?" I asked, pulling her up slowly.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. You just left the trunk open and it was bugging me. I didn't realize how much it would hurt to just reach up," she replied, hands on her stomach, "Wow, I'm really wimpy."

"You're not wimpy, the average gunshot wound takes way more than two weeks to heal back to normal. It's surprising that you're going home this soon compared to most people," I jabbered, "Anyway, I think it's about time we got home."

_**Sara**_

God, I was a wreck. This was pretty sad.

He helped me back into the car again. I sat there and fumbled with my seatbelt for a minute until he reached over and fastened it for me. I took the opportunity to wrap him in a tight hug.

"What is it?" Spencer asked, looking as though I was suffocating him, but hugging me back all the same.

"It's just, I love you. Thank you so much for putting up with me and being there," I said quietly.

"You know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you," he replied, kissing me on the cheek.

He started the car and headed down the road. Only a few minutes and we'd be home.

"Spence?" I asked suddenly.

"Mhm?" he replied, obviously expecting me to ask something along the lines of when I could go back to work.

"Can I get my pistol permit when I get back?"

He squeezed my hand and laughed, "Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea."


	24. Chapter 24

**Finally got time to update! How exciting! Thanks for reading and please review as always :D**

_**Spencer**_

"You're ready?" I called down the hall.

"You bet I am! It's been way too long," Sara replied enthusiastically.

I shouldn't be worried, right? I mean, I made her stay home for an extra week after she got out of the hospital. She'd gotten her stitches out, there's not much else I can do.

"You do realize that work doesn't technically start for more than an hour?" I asked with a laugh as she practically skipped down the hall towards me.

"Mhm, I know. I just can't wait to go back!"

"You have to take it easy though, maybe stop skipping for starters?" I said.

"Buzz kill," she replied with a sigh and crossed her arms.

"I'm just looking after you, no need to hate me."

"You know I could never hate you, Spence," she laughed.

_**Sara**_

Should I tell him? I should, shouldn't I? That meeting was important, even though it had been so long ago.

No, I had to wait. We were supposed to start a new case today, I couldn't distract him.

As soon as this one was over. I'd tell him then.

"You know," he said slowly, "You never did tell me where you were that day."

"Can you read my mind or something? That was creepy!" I asked, slightly startled.

"Nope, just some basic profiling. That and the look on your face."

"Hey, you're not supposed to profile your significant other. That's just weird," I jested, poking him in the ribs with my elbow.

"That's not very nice," Spencer replied, poking me back.

"That's what you get for profiling me! Anyway, I'll tell you after this case, promise," I added after seeing the look on his face.

"If you say so."

"We should go in now…. We should totally go in early!" I exclaimed, unable to concentrate on what we were just talking about.

"Wow, you really are going stir crazy aren't you?" he asked with a smile.

"Do you really need to ask that, Spencer? Let's go, pleaseeee."

"Fine," Spencer sighed as I picked up my car keys.

"Thank god! I can't wait to get out of this house!"

_**Spencer**_

"At least let me drive?" I asked, motioning to the keys in her hand as we walked out the door.

"I guess I can let you, be careful with my baby though," Sara replied, tossing them to me.

"Your baby? You know, statistically, men are more prone to attach feelings to their vehicles or name them. It's unusual for women to feel the need to connect to inanimate objects," I babbled, as I caught them awkwardly and started the car

"I didn't name it, geez. I just like my car!" she replied with the laugh that I had grown so fond of.

"Good, because over 56% women who name their cars give them absurd names like Ruby and Lola."

"Hey, what's so absurd about Ruby and Lola? Those are very nice names!"

"Not for cars! Cars are inanimate objects, they don't need names."

"Whatever, if you say so. Guess I can't name my car Lafonda anymore…" Sara pouted.

I turned to look at her with wide eyes as we pulled up to a stop sign.

"Kidding! I was totally kidding, Spence."

_**Sara**_

We finally arrived at the BAU and I practically jumped out of the car.

I was back, I was back, I was back. Thank god.

"I know you're excited for work and all, but I just have to warn you that that's going to wear off pretty soon. Not too many people get excited over dead bodies and serial killers," Spencer said.

"I'm not looking forward to that part, Spence, just the being able to help people. Being able to put sick bastards away," I replied.

"Okay, just checking," he laughed.

We walked in and put our stuff down on the desks as JJ walked over.

"You guys do realize that work doesn't start for almost forty five minutes, right?" she asked as she welcomed me back with a hug.

"Someone was a little eager to be here," Spencer added.

"Hey, don't judge me. I figured I'd do some paperwork or something," I interjected.

"Okay, have at it. It's good to have you back, Sara."

We worked in silence for a while, buzzing through the files.

I heard nothing except for the rustling of papers and random footsteps until JJ approached us again.

"Change of plans," she said simply and Spencer and I followed her into the bullpen where the rest of the team was assembled.

"Another woman just went missing, Pinky Robertson."

"That name sounds familiar," Spencer mused, drumming his fingers on the table.

"She's from LA, maybe you met her that first case?" JJ asked as she pressed the remote and a picture of a woman popped up on the screen.

"What case?" I asked, but I was cut off by Spencer.

"That's her friend from the art gallery!" he exclaimed.

I looked around at the rest of the team, trying to understand what was going on.

"Whose friend?" I asked.

"Just someone from a previous case," he replied quickly.

What the hell wasn't he telling me?

"Anyway, she's the third woman to go missing in the past week. There are two days between abductions and then their bodies are found in different rundown parts of LA. According to autopsy reports, we have less than twenty four hours until Pinky's killed," JJ said matter-of-factly.

"Okay everyone, wheels up in fifteen. We have to get ahead of this unsub," Hotch said as he exited the room.

"Whose friend is this?" I asked, still looking around.

I caught Morgan glancing at Spencer but I had no idea what it meant.

Was it one of Spencer's girlfriends? I mean, I had never asked about any previous relationships, but still, I thought he would tell me.

I decided not to push it. I'd corner Morgan or Garcia later and make them spill the beans. I wanted to know what was up.

_**Spencer**_

Less than two hours later, we were landing in LA. I didn't know why I wasn't telling Sara, but I couldn't.

I didn't want to be dishonest, but I felt like she would be angry.

I hadn't had much luck with girls and I really didn't want to ruin this.

Sara glanced at me every once in a while but didn't say much.

Did she know? What would she say?

We all headed into SUVs and drove towards the police station.

_**Sara**_

I had to concentrate. Nothing was more important than finding this woman alive.

No stupid relationship could get in the way of that.

We arrived at the station and all walked briskly towards the officer waiting for us outside.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice. I'm Detective Proulx, we have some family and friends inside that want to help."

"Okay, JJ, you'll talk to the victims' families. Reid and Felding, you'll make a geographical profile. The rest of us will visit the abduction and dump sites," Hotch directed.

Detective Proulx nodded in understanding and pushed open the large glass doors and we walked inside.

I looked around at all of the people standing around, tear marks still fresh on some of their faces.

I had almost no time to ponder where to begin when a flash of blonde ran past me.

I turned around just in time to see the owner of the blonde hair jump into Spencer's arms.

"Spencer, I missed you so much."


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey guys! I'm actually excited that I had a chance to update, how sad is that? Classes are going pretty well so far, but I'm drowning in homework. Hope y'all like this chapter and please leave your feedback!**

_**Spencer**_

I felt my jaw drop as Lila wrapped her arms around me. This wasn't happening. This really was not happening.

"L-Lila, hi, I'm so sorry about Pinky. W-we'll do our best," I stuttered, trying not to look at her.

"Five years and that's all I get?" she asked, with a fake pout on her face, tears dry at last.

"It's been a long time," I replied, finally looking around. The rest of the team had wandered off to the investigation room, knowing who Lila was, but Sara stood there with her eyes wide open.

"Look, I apologize for being rude, but the team needs to get ahead of this unsub. I'll talk to you later," I said briskly, trying to get Sara to go with me, but she stood resolute.

I grabbed her hand gently and pulled her away from Lila, both looking at me with surprise.

We finally got into the investigation room and Morgan looked up at me with concern.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said nonchalantly.

The next few minutes passed in a blur, the team eventually leaving Sara and I to work on the geographic profile.

"We'll call you if we find anything," Hotch added as they left.

It was finally quiet and I looked at Sara, who had sat there the whole time without saying anything.

"Sara?" I prompted her, willing her to say something, anything.

"That's Lila Archer," she replied, refusing to look at me.

"Um, well, yes," I said, unsure of where she was going with this.

"THE Lila Archer," she said.

"Well, yes, she's the actress."

"She's beautiful."

I stared at her, not knowing what to say.

"Well, I suppose she is," I finally replied.

"You dated THE Lila Archer," she said slowly.

"I never said that I-" I started, but realized that she could tell.

"You didn't have to say. What happened? She's beautiful and rich and famous and, and, just everything," she spit out, finally looking at me.

"She's not everything…" I replied slowly.

"Whatever, back to the profile," Sara said briskly before turning back to the map.

I should have told her. Damn it, I messed everything up.

I took a deep breath, I'd explain after the case. She'd have to listen to me, wouldn't she?

_**Sara**_

I tried not to glance at Spencer but I couldn't help it. The moment I did, all I could think of was the devastated look on his face.

Was I being too rash? Whatever, we needed to concentrate on this case. No distractions.

We worked in silence, plotting the abduction and dump sites on the map.

The stillness was unnerving and I finally excused myself to go get some coffee.

"I'll be right back," I said, fiddling with my sleeve.

As soon as the door swung shut, I broke into a run until I reached the bathroom.

I slammed the door and locked it, sinking to the floor.

He had dated Lila Archer. I mean, I guess I thought about him having girlfriends before, but never someone like her.

She was everything I wasn't, everything I wanted to be.

I tried not to cry as I mindlessly ran my fingers up and down the scars on my legs.

Why would he stay with someone like me when he could be with her? He'd leave me, that's the only reasonable outcome of this whole thing.

He'd realize how stupid he was to be with me in the first place.

God, this was going to hurt.

I sniffed back tears and wiped my face with my sleeve.

I'd get through this. I had gotten through everything else, a little more heartbreak wouldn't kill me.

At least, I hoped it wouldn't.

_**Spencer**_

As soon as Sara had excused herself I was worried.

I had expected her to be mad, to yell, to do something, anything at all. But I didn't expect this.

I waited for a few minutes, giving her time to come back.

Fifteen minutes later I finally got up and went to the coffee bar in the other room.

A police officer was standing there, pouring himself a cup.

"Excuse me, have you seen my colleague? She's tall, with brown hair-" I said as he cut me off.

"This one lady just ran into the bathroom about fifteen minutes ago, I think I saw her come in with you and your team."

I thanked him quickly and hurried off to the restroom.

I knocked hesitantly and heard someone sniff inside.

"Sara?"

"Go away."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she answered, peering through the door.

"Okay, I just, I wanted to make sure…" I said awkwardly.

She opened the door quickly, wiping her face with her sleeve.

"Sorry about that, back to the profile," she replied, once again all business.

_**Sara**_

This was incredibly embarrassing.

I couldn't decide what I wanted more, for the team to come back so I wasn't alone with him, or for them to never come back so they wouldn't have to see what a fool I'd been.

I sat back down at the table and quickly began working on the geographic profile again.

"Okay, here's the unsub's twenty mile comfort zone. He most likely lives somewhere here," Spencer said, finally breaking the silence.

We worked for a few more minutes until the rest of the team arrived. I tried not to look at them. They must have known about Lila, why didn't they tell me?

I shook my head and concentrated on the case.

Hours later we had only reached a few conclusions.

"We can assume that the unsub is from around here. All of these women were abducted from a specific place. Only someone with a lot of knowledge of this town would be able to know where to find them," Hotch said.

"The dumpsites are random, most likely just what is easiest for the unsub," Rossi interjected.

"These kills are personal, we'll have to dig into the victims' personal lives, see what overlaps," Prentiss added.

"Okay, it's getting late. Garcia, you see what you can find on the victims. Any commonalities in their lives or who they are associated with," directed Hotch.

"Of course, my liege. Your wish is my command."

"The rest of you, it's time to go to the hotel. We'll start fresh tomorrow."

We reached the hotel and I refrained from running to my room.

I grabbed the room keys, hurriedly handing them out to everyone.

"I can't wait to sleep," said Morgan with a sigh.

"My bed is calling to me," Prentiss added.

We walked down the hallway to our rooms and everyone opened their doors.

"Goodnight," I said quickly, shutting the door before anyone could respond.

I heard Morgan's voice through the door as I turned away. "Pretty Boy, you are in deep shit."


	26. Chapter 26

**Yay I got a chance to update! I was going to attempt to get more sleep, but this is so much more fun. Anyways, sorry to keep you waiting as always. Please review if you can! :D**

_**Spencer**_

The next morning I awoke with a feeling of dread.

What the hell was I going to do? Actually, what the hell COULD I do?

I doubted Sara would listen to anything I had to say right now. I guess I'd have to wait until the case was over.

I met the rest of the team at the police station as we resumed the search for Pinky.

"Garcia, what do you have for us?" Hotch asked.

"Only the best for my furry friends. All three victims recently had large televisions installed into their homes. They were from different companies, but all three companies are headed by the Warner Company in L.A.," Garcia replied quickly.

"That's a large company, any-"

"Already on that- there are twenty four television installers who work for all three companies. I cross referenced that with hometowns and the comfort zone. That narrowed it down to three possible men."

"What are their names?" asked Rossi.

"Matthew Ollander, Zachary Klapick, and Owen Ezra."

"What can you tell us about them?"

"Matthew is twenty-three, recently engaged, and just enrolled in community college courses. Zachary is twenty-seven, single, and lives with his parents. Owen is thirty-five and on his way to becoming manager of one of the television branches. I think it's safe to say that Zach is our best guess," Garcia said.

"Anything else that links him to the three victims?" Sara asked.

"Let's see…. Oh. He went to Alhambra High School with all three of them. He was a junior when Pinky was a sophomore and the other two victims were seniors."

"They could have rejected him. That might cause some pent up anger," Prentiss mused.

"Enough to kidnap and torture them?" asked JJ.

"Hey, there were some pretty messed up guys in my high school. And some pretty mean girls."

"He could be the unsub, but we don't have enough to bring him in," Hotch said.

"We could call the company and see if we can sweep his desk or belongings for prints…" Sara said slowly, "There was a fingerprint left at one of the abduction sites, right?"

"There was…. one fingerprint at the second site." Garcia replied.

"Okay, call the company and tell them it's urgent and that we have a warrant."

_**Sara**_

I tried to concentrate as we searched for more information on Klapick.

Now all we could do was wait.

A few hours later Garcia called us.

"Okay, so I pulled a few unspeakable strings and had the labs expedited and guess what? That's right, the fingerprint found at the abduction site matches that of one Zachary Klapick."

"Where does he live?" Rossi asked.

Garcia spouted off his address and I suddenly felt a pang.

Please don't send me out. Please don't send me out.

I couldn't do it, I had proven that. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough for anything.

I clenched my fists under the table, praying that no emotion would show on my face.

Hotch recited the address and looked around the room. He caught my eye for a moment before turning to Morgan.

"Morgan, you and Prentiss go to Klapick's house. It's about half an hour from here. If he's there, bring him in. Be cautious, he might have Pinky with him."

They left quickly, hurrying out of the room.

"I'm going to go get some coffee, be right back," I said, leaving as well.

I walked over to the coffee bar and poured myself a cup, trying not to shake.

Several minutes later, as I stood there drinking my coffee, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Felding?" I heard Hotch ask inquisitively.

"Yeah, Hotch?" I replied as nonchalantly as I could.

"I just wanted to let you know that it's normal to be apprehensive after something like what you went through. Any person would feel that way," he said kindly.

"It's- it's not just that. All I can think is that I can't do this. I'm obviously not meant for this job if I can't even handle one unsub without getting shot. I'm, I'm honestly terrified that the next time I get myself into a situation like that, I'll end up dead," I replied blatantly, glad to finally get this weight off of my shoulders.

Hotch looked at me for a moment before responding.

"You need to know that you can do this. You were meant to do this job. There's no way you would be here if you weren't. What happened last time was horrible, but it was in no way your fault."

I couldn't help but stare at him. "How do you always know what to say?"

"It's true."

I laughed as I placed my empty mug on the table.

"Thank you, Hotch. That really means a lot. I guess I just have to work on believing in myself a little more. I really do need this team."

"And we need you."

I smiled to myself as he walked away. He was right, I could do this. I had to.

I sat back down at a desk and began some paperwork that I had.

About fifteen minutes later I heard the front door open, but thought nothing of it until I saw Lila Archer.

She had tear stains on her face, but still managed to look stunning. How did she do that?

She looked around, presumably for Spencer, but the rest of the team was in the other room. Finally she recognized me.

"Hi, you were with Spencer's team right? I mean, Dr. Reid. Do you know where he is? I just wanted to know if there was any news," Lila asked kindly.

I wanted to say something rude to her, like how she could just ask me for the news, but I couldn't. She looked so genuinely upset, what gave me the right to be mean?

"The rest of the team is in the room over there," I said, pointing to the door on the right side of the room.

"Thanks so much," she replied before quickly walking over and knocking.

Spencer opened it and Lila walked in. I looked away, not wanting to see any more.

It was going to be fine. We'd catch this unsub, go back to Quantico, and I'd go back to my normal life. Just me and my job. It'd be okay. Nothing I couldn't deal with.

Even as I thought this, I knew it was a lie. How in the world was I going to live with this? With Spencer choosing Lila over me. Honestly, I needed him. I couldn't even fathom how much this was going to hurt.


	27. Chapter 27

**I was super excited to update this so I forced myself to have time to do it haha :D Anyway, thank you so much for your reviews. You guys are awesome! I'm not too sure if I really like this chapter, but it seemed like it was what needed to be done. Let me know what you think, I like constructive criticism. Thanks for reading :)  
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_**Spencer**_

I tried not to look shocked when Lila knocked on the door. I ushered her in and she sat down next to Rossi.

"I'm sorry to barge in, but I just wanted to know if you guys knew anything," she sniffed.

I glanced at Hotch and he gave me a quick nod.

"We have a possible suspect and two of the agents are on their way to his house," I replied.

Her eyes widened and she gaped at me.

"S-so, Pinky might be with him?"

"Yes, it's a possibility, but nothing's certain yet."

_**Sara**_

I should go back in there, shouldn't I?

I sighed as I put my mug back down and walked towards the door.

Better just get this over with.

I turned the handle and walked in without looking at anyone.

"Any news?" I asked Hotch, finally looking away from the floor.

"Not yet. Prentiss and Morgan should be calling soon."

After a few minutes of awkward quiet, the phone finally rang.

"Morgan?"

"Yeah, it's us. Klapick was at his house. We searched the rest of his property and found Pinky in a garage, along with a lot of substantial evidence. She's on her way to the hospital, but luckily she's going to be okay."

"Oh thank god," Lila said with a sob as Spencer gave her an clumsy attempt at a reassuring pat on the back.

I sighed. We could finally go home. I really just did not want to be in L.A. anymore.

_**Spencer**_

Hotch gave me a knowing look and turned to Lila.

"I'll have to go to the hospital to confirm all evidence, would you like to go with me? I'm sure Pinky could use a friend."

"Okay, thank you Agent," she said with a sad smile.

"The rest of you, get some rest here and we'll leave in about two hours."

As the rest of the team filed out, I grabbed Lila.

"We need to talk, before I leave."

I saw Sara glance back and resisted the urge to say something.

"Finally Spence!" Lila replied.

I closed the door and motioned for her to sit down.

"Lila, I-I'm in love with someone," I said cautiously.

Her mouth opened slightly.

"Someone I really, really care about. I don't want to mess that up. And I don't want to lead you on. You're wonderful Lila, and you'll find someone, but that someone isn't me."

I took a deep breath as I finally finished what I had to say.

"I had a feeling."

"What?" I asked, looking at her.

"You and that agent. The way you look at each other, who could miss it? Spence, you don't have to be a profiler to see that you love her. It's been five years, I would have to be kidding myself to think you wouldn't have moved on."

I ran a hand through my hair, sighing with relief.

"Thank you for understanding, Lila."

"Of course. I'm going to go see Pinky now. Thank your team for everything and thanks for being you, you're a great person, Spence. And I really hope you guys are happy," she replied, giving me a quick hug.

I watched as she walked away and saw Sara's eyes follow her out of the station.

Now all I had to do was explain to Sara. She was so damn stubborn, how was I going to get her to listen to me?

I walked out and tapped her on the arm.

"Can we talk?"

"No."

_**Sara**_

I couldn't handle being dumped this quickly. Lila hadn't said anything as she left, not that I expected her to.

She looked cheerful, so I assumed it had gone well for her. At least someone was happy.

I didn't look at Spencer as I answered and I walked away.

I was being a bitch, I knew that much, but I just could not handle this right now. There was no way.

I grabbed yet another cup of coffee, probably my third of the day.

I sat there for what seemed like forever until Hotch returned.

"Okay, everything's sorted out at the hospital and Klapick's in custody. Can you get Reid and tell him that we're leaving in an hour?" he said to me.

"Sure," I replied with a frown. Of course Hotch would do this to me.

I had seen Spencer go back into the room, but I didn't know if he was still there.

I walked around the corner towards the back of the building and found that the blinds were drawn over the windows and the door was locked.

I knocked cautiously, not really wanting to see him.

He opened the door and stepped away from it quickly, hiding his face.

I walked in and shut it again.

"Spence? Are you okay?" I asked with concern.

"Y-yeah, fine," he said with a sniff.

Damn it. This was my fault.

"Look at me."

He finally looked up, and I could see the tears streaming down his face.

"S-sorry, I'll be ready in a second."

"Come on, talk to me, Spence," I said as I grabbed his hand.

"I told Lila about us. And I told her the truth. That, that I love you and that her and I are beyond over. She said she knew and she could tell. But, but you wouldn't listen. I'm sorry."

I stared at him and really tried not to gape. He told her that? I had been so sure that he would choose her.

He loved me? Thank god.

_**Spencer**_

I choked back more tears. She wouldn't care. She wouldn't believe me.

How could I have let this happen?

I tried not to look at her when suddenly she pressed me against the wall.

"W-what?" I asked in shock.

"Sh, just listen," she replied quietly, "I'm the one who should be sorry and I really am. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"It's okay-"

"Sh. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And I've missed you," she said leaning in and kissing me softly.

I kissed her back, putting my hands on her hips and pulling her towards me. I felt her hands move through my hair as I slid my hand over the small of her back.

She pulled away, running her fingers down my back and sending a shiver down my spine.

"I've missed you too," I said breathlessly as she leaned her head against my chest.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you so much for your great reviews! They never fail to make me smile. I hope you like this, and look for an update in my other fic in the next few days :D**

**Toodles!**

_**Sara**_

I sat on the jet next to Spencer, fighting the impulse to lean against him. That probably wasn't good conduct for work, right?

I had purposefully sat away from the rest of the team, hoping to finally tell him about the meeting that seemed so long ago.

Although I knew I had to do it, I really did not want to ruin the moment. I was just so happy that he was with me. I had been so sure that he'd choose her.

"You said you wanted to talk?" Spencer said quietly as the plane took off.

I nodded, unsure of where to start.

"Well… that day, after I freaked out, I, um, I went to a meeting."

He looked up at me, surprised. "What?"

"It was a PADA meeting, People Against Domestic Abuse. I met the leader, Shelly, at the hospital a couple of months ago right after, uh, that…" I trailed off, outlining a scar on my arm with my finger.

Spencer moved his hand to my arm and traced the scar too, reassuring me. "It's okay," he said softly.

I took a deep breath and carried on. "Anyway, I talked to them. And they understood. They all went through similar things. Well, aside from the whole psychopathic aspect of it all… but I was wondering if, you'd, um, maybe you'd come with me? It made me feel better to see that I'm not alone."

"You have me," he replied, a barely audible whisper.

"You know what I mean, Spence. That there are people who have overcome what I went through. Great, strong people. And I'd really like you to come with me. If you want to. I mean, it's okay if you don't-"

"I'll go. How could I say no to you?" Spencer said with a slight smile.

"Thank you."

_**Spencer**_

I couldn't help but gaze at Sara. How could she think I wouldn't go with her? She was, well, she was Sara. And she was mine. I couldn't let anything mess that up.

She stared out the window, the light reflecting on her hair. Her eyes were thoughtful as her hand wandered over to my seat, lying on my hand ever so discreetly.

I looked up slowly, noticing Morgan smirking at me. I glared at him, resisting the urge to flip him the bird.

He smiled again and went back to talking with Prentiss, who was arguing about some topic or another.

I sat there for a few more minutes before I turned to Sara.

"When's the next meeting?"

She scrunched her face, clearly trying to remember.

"Um, what day of the week is it?" she asked with a sheepish grin.

"Wednesday," I laughed, "Don't worry it happens to the best of us."

Her eyes grew wide. "Um, it's, it's tomorrow morning. But, you don't have to go. I mean, I w-wouldn't expect you to go-"

"I'll go."

She smiled, breathing a slight sigh of relief, and intertwined her fingers in mine.

_**Sara**_

I couldn't take it any longer. The utter relief of being with Spencer combined with the exhaustion I had from the past couple days overtook me and I put my feet up on the seat, leaning against him.

"I know this is probably fraternizing, but I am so damn tired," I whispered, shutting my eyes.

"Don't worry, Rossi's the reason we have fraternization rules. We'll be fine," he whispered back.

_**Spencer**_

I let Sara sleep on my shoulder, only waking her when we had finally landed.

"Come on," I said, shaking her gently.

She jumped and shrunk back slightly, but waved it off.

Maybe that meeting would be a good thing. I really did want to find a way to help her.

We arrived at the BAU and shuffled off to our various desks. After trudging through paperwork for a good hour, I saw Sara's head hit the desk.

"I think it's time to go home," I said to her as she looked up groggily.

"I haven't really been sleeping," she admitted. Well, I could understand that. I had tossed and turned for the past few nights, unable to think of anything but what life without her would be like.

"Wanna drive?" she asked with a pleading smile on her face as we walked to her car.

"If I must," I answered, "It does seem like I'm slightly less fatigued and studies show that falling asleep at the wheel is one of the top causes of automobile accidents in the past decade."

I realized that I had blabbered again and waited for a remark. Like the ones I used to get in school.

_Shut up freak._

I winced at the thought but Sara's voice interrupted me.

"You're so cute," she said with a laugh, squeezing my hand, "Even when you talk about death."

I gaped at her, but she was half asleep and didn't notice. Was she serious? She had to be joking.

I was about to ask her, but I looked again and her eyes were closed.

I drove in silence, letting her sleep. We reached the house at last and I opened the front door before going back to the car and lifting her out.

She mumbled before turning and leaning her head into my shoulder.

I brought her to the bedroom and laid her down gently.

Half asleep, she kicked off her shoes before wriggling under the covers.

Exhausted, I took off my shirt, not even bothering to look for another one and crawled into bed next to her.

I felt her move closer to me, her hand on my chest.

I kissed her forehead, smoothing back her hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Loveyoutoo," she mumbled back before finally falling back asleep.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Sara**_

I woke up early the next morning, anxious about the meeting. Would he really go with me? I stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about it.

Finally I turned towards Spencer who was still sleeping peacefully.

I studied the contour of his face, his prominent cheekbones and the slight smile on his lips.

I moved closer, resting my hand on his bare chest, feeling it rise and fall with each breath.

I sat there in silence, not thinking about anything, when the alarm clock rang and I nearly fell out of the bed.

"Ugh, shut it off," he mumbled, turning over to face me.

I turned it off quickly, the sound still ringing in my ears. I tried to reason with myself that I had only jumped because it had startled me. I closed my eyes and saw Jesse, staring at me as the alarm rang, a pretentious smirk on his face, as if he was daring me to question him. Daring me to give him another chance to hit me.

I shuddered involuntarily, back to reality.

I opened my eyes to find Spencer looking at me with concern.

"Morning," I whispered.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Just nervous, that's all," I replied, moving to the dresser to find something to wear. I rifled through it as he got up.

"I'm gonna make some coffee," he said, wrapping me in a tight hug.

I kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand. "Good, I need my fix."

He left and I went back to the dresser, attempting to distract myself from the events of today.

I opened drawer after drawer, unable to find anything. I was beginning to get frustrated when I grabbed the last handle forcefully and I heard a large cracking noise.

_**Spencer**_

I heard a noise coming from the bedroom and walked back inside, still holding my coffee.

I opened the door and saw Sara standing there, one of the dresser handles in her hand.

She looked shell shocked, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Sara, are you okay?" I asked again.

"M-mhm," she mumbled, still staring at the handle.

I moved towards her, putting the coffee down on the dresser and taking the handle from her.

She hesitated for a moment, continuing to stare at her hand when she finally said something.  
>"I'm sorry," she said, looking as though she was trying not to cry.<p>

Those two words and all I could see was her sitting on my kitchen floor, the remains of a plate around her feet.

"Don't be sorry. There's nothing to apologize for," I replied as I put my hands on her hips and made her face me.

"O-okay," she sniffed.

"I'm serious, Sara. There is no reason to be sorry for breaking something. It was an accident. And I would never ever hit you. No matter what," I continued, unable to stop.

She looked at me again. "How are you real?"

That got my attention.

"Wait, what?"

"You're so perfect. How does someone like you even exist, Spence? And by the way, where were you three years ago? I wish I knew then that there were men like you out there," she said, leaning into me.

"I wish I knew you then," I whispered, kissing the top of her head.

_**Sara**_

I tried not to think about Jesse, instead focusing on Spencer's warmth and his steady breathing.

I sighed, feeling so much better, as I looked up at him.

"Thank you."

_**Spencer**_

I tried to stay calm as Sara began driving, as it was finally time for the meeting.

I reminded myself that there were over five hundred of these support groups in the United States. They had to help. Right?

I looked over at Sara, her hands shaking slightly as they gripped the wheel.

"It'll be okay," I said quietly.

She glanced at me, eyes widening.

"God, I love you."

"Well that was certainly random," I remarked.

"Not really, you're just wonderful. What other man would put up with someone like me? Go with me to meetings? Wake me up from those awful nightmares?"

"Y-your nightmares are getting better, aren't they?" I asked softly.

_**Sara**_

I couldn't bear to tell him the truth. That my nightmares were always the same, I just managed to stop myself from waking him up.

They were always there though. With Jesse staring at me, knife in hand, muttering words over and over again.

_It's all your fault. Stupid bitch._

I shuddered involuntarily, hoping Spencer didn't notice.

He looked at me as if he was hoping for an answer, but I merely stared ahead, avoiding the question.

_**Spencer**_

I grasped Sara's hand as we walked towards the church where she pulled in.

It'll be fine. Just fine.

A smiling woman approached us as I pulled the front door open.

"Hello, Sara, I'm glad you could make it," she said kindly.

"Hi Shelly, it's really good to see you again. This is Spencer, I hope it's okay that he came with me," Sara replied nervously, holding my hand tighter.

"Of course it is! Come on in, we'll be starting in about five minutes."

We entered together, both looking down the hallway cautiously.

"This way," Sara said, leading me to a brightly lit room.

I peered inside, seeing many men and women. Were there that many victims in Quantico?

I knew that there were more than nine thousand victims of abuse around the world daily, but it was shocking to see so many people gathered in one room.

I finally walked in, taking a seat next to Sara.

"It's really okay that I'm here?" I whispered.

"It's fine, Spence. I just really wanted you to come, even if it was only once."

The woman named Shelly walked into the room, followed by a few last minute stragglers.

"Hi everyone, I see a few new faces today so I'd just like to say that I'm Shelly and welcome to People Against Domestic Abuse, or PADA as we call it."

A few of the people nodded, others merely sat there.

"Now, I know that it's difficult to talk about what happened, but what about the aftereffects? What happened afterwards, how did you deal with it? Would anyone like to talk? The floor is open."

A petite woman stood up slowly, raising her hand nervously.

"Thank you Laura," Shelly said graciously, helping her to the front of the room.

"H-hi guys," the woman said, "Well, I'm Laura and as most of you know I was in an abusive relationship for several years. I left him about a year ago, but it was difficult to deal with it all afterwards."

She took a breath, steadying herself as she struggled to find the right words.

_**Sara**_

I stared, intrigued to hear how other people dealt with this.

Laura continued, "I… I initially turned to drugs."

I felt Spence stiffen next to me, but I didn't know why.

"It was a stupid thing to do, but I was hooked. The first ones were painkillers from the last time I went to the hospital. They just made me feel better, made it all go away. I kept taking them for a long time until one of my friends finally said something to me. I realized that I had to turn my life around. I had to stop, so I went to a rehabilitation center and they helped me. It was difficult, I can't say that it wasn't, but I'm really proud of myself for beating it. I've been drug free for five months and every day I continue to fight against the temptation. Now it's time to battle the next obstacle in my life, this."

As she sat down, people clapped politely, tears glistening in some of their eyes.

"Thank you for your brave words, Laura," Shelly said as she reached the front of the room.

Suddenly Spencer stood up and I turned to him.  
>"What are you doing?" I whispered.<p>

"I have to go," he said bluntly before leaving the room.

I stood up quietly, following him down the hallway.

I reached my car as he got into the passenger's seat.

"Spence, please, talk to me," I urged, getting into the car.

"Let's just go to work. There's a new case," he said pointing to his phone.

I knew that wasn't why he had left. He wouldn't act this way about a case.

"Why'd you run out?" I pleaded.

"Because there's a new case," he replied stubbornly.


	30. Chapter 30

**Words cannot explain how long I have wanted to update this. Today is the 7th day that I've been without power and I am now using free wifi at a cafe to do this. Anyways, many apologies, hope you enjoy! :D**_**  
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_**Spencer**_

I couldn't look at Sara as she drove silently. What would I even say to her?

I just couldn't handle that story at the meeting. That woman. What would Sara say if she found out that I was like her?

Would she still love me? I doubted it.

I turned to look out the window, watching the buildings fly by.

We finally arrived at the BAU and I got out of the car quickly.

"Spence," she said suddenly, before we entered, "Whatever it is, can we please talk about it? At least after the case is done?"

I sighed, not knowing what to say. "…Okay, after the case."

"Thank you," she replied, kissing me on the cheek.

_**Sara**_

What the hell was wrong?

I was a profiler and everything, but I was pretty sure that it wasn't healthy to profile your boyfriend.

I tried to shake the thought from my mind. Don't think about it, you'll talk later.

I repeated that in my head as we walked inside.

"Thanks for coming, guys," JJ said as she handed us files, "The rest of the team's in here."

We sat down at the table, nodding at everyone.

She clicked the remote and the image of a woman appeared on the screen.

"Crystal Harper, the third prostitute found dead in the past two weeks. All were from Dallas. They were drugged and later stabbed."

"Three in two weeks," mused Rossi, "That's not much of a cooling off period."

"Anything else to tie the women together?" I asked, glancing at the files.

"Not anything recorded, but it is possible that they met before. Also, they were all drugged with the drug most commonly referred to as roofies," answered JJ.

"We'll have to interview others on the streets, see if they saw anything unusual," Hotch said, "We'll continue the profile on the jet. Wheels up in thirty."

_**Spencer**_

Several hours later, we landed in Dallas, hurrying to the police station.

"I'm glad y'all could make it," the chief of police said to us kindly, "These crimes are really setting people on edge."

As night neared, we were no closer to catching the unsub.

"Let's all get some rest and start fresh tomorrow," directed Hotch.

I saw Sara nod sleepily out of the corner of my eye. I had to stop doing that, I needed to concentrate.

_**Sara**_

We went back to the station the next morning, ready to catch this bastard.

"Morgan and Felding, go on the streets now. See if anyone saw anything these past two weeks."

"Now? Shouldn't we wait till tonight?" I asked.

"That'll probably be our best bet but we should at least try now," answered Hotch.

Morgan and I got into the car, driving towards the slums of the city.

Getting out of the vehicle, we approached some women smoking by a building.

"Hey ladies," Morgan said amicably.

"Closed," one muttered, her voice husky from the years of smoking.

"I'm not looking to buy, we just wanted to ask some questions," he replied.

"Coppers?" another asked, "I don't talk to police."

"We're FBI," I said, "and we're investigating the murders that have happened these past two weeks. Not looking to put you away, just want to know if you saw anything suspicious."

One of the women looked me up and down. "You'd make some good money out here, if you didn't have that ridiculous outfit on."

Glancing down at my clothes, I tried not to turn red as I continued, "Has anyone been lurking around here? Not a customer?"

"Nah," one said gruffly.

"Did any of you know Crystal Harper?" interjected Morgan.

"Oh yeah, sad thing what happened to her."

"Do you know where she worked?"

"Here, like the rest of us… but usually she hung out at that bar across the street. Said the clientele was better there."

I looked across the street, taking in the shabby appearance of the bar.

"How about Mindy Rollins?" I asked.

"Actually, she worked there too, now that I think about it."

Morgan glanced at me, raising an eyebrow.

"And Lucy Bates?" Morgan asked, giving the name of the first victim.

"I heard of her, think I saw it in the paper, but she didn't work around here."

"Okay, thank you for your time ladies," Morgan said kindly as we walked back to the car.

"That bar must be where the unsub gets his victims," I stated, "Maybe Lucy was just his test run and then he perfected his ways."

"Call Hotch," he replied, starting the car.

I relayed the information to Hotch who told us to meet back at the station.

A few hours later, the rest of the team was gathered.

"We gave the profile to the police," Reid told us.

"Now we just need to survey the streets, starting tonight," Hotch said.

"How is that not going to look suspicious?" JJ asked.

I thought furiously for a second and then jumped into the conversation.

"I could go undercover."

Spencer's jaw dropped for a moment.

"Undercover? As a prostitute?" asked Morgan with disbelief.

"I don't know…" Hotch said.

"One of the women we talked to today told me I would make good money there if I lost the 'ridiculous outfit,'" I replied, avoiding Spencer's gaze.

"That's just a little rude," Prentiss retorted.

"Yeah, I know, but it got me thinking. Crystal and Mindy found clients at that bar. I could go there while the rest of you patrol the streets. Give you an inside look."

"You do have a point," Hotch said begrudgingly, "…Fine. But you'll have an earpiece and keep us informed at all times."

"Yes, sir," I replied with a nod.

"Okay, we'll go out at eight, get a head start."


	31. Chapter 31

_**Spencer**_

We met at the station once more, this time at quarter to eight. The sun had just begun to set and the team was getting ready to go out.

"Morgan and Prentiss, you'll cover this street," Hotch said, pointing a map, "Rossi and Reid here, and JJ and I will go here."

We nodded mutely, just hoping to catch this guy.

"Where's Felding?" Hotch asked after a moment.

"Right here," she called from behind a closet door, "I look absurd."

"You don't have to do this," I said, finally saying something to her.

"It's fine, I'm just not used to dressing like a hooker," she replied hastily, pushing the door open.

I felt my eyes widen as she stepped into the room, wearing a low cut shirt, leather miniskirt, fishnets, and stilettos. Her slightly teased hair, bright red lips, and chewing gum completed the outfit.

"Do I look alright?" she asked the team, doing a fake spin as she chomped on the gum.

"Perfect, have your earpiece?" Hotch asked, all business as usual.

"Of course, I'm always prepared," she smiled.

How could she be so nonchalant about this?

We got into the cars and I sat next to her, thinking about what I should say.

"Don't look at me like that," she whispered, making me jump.

"Like what?" I replied, confused.

"Like I'm a whore for doing this."

_**Sara**_

He looked so disappointed in me, I wasn't sure if I should cry or be angry.

"W-what?" he replied, a look of bewilderment still on his face.

"You look like I failed you. Stop it."

I turned away before he could say anything and stared out the window again.

We finally arrived two streets down from the bar.

"Okay, Felding, you go out first. Then we'll each get out and walk to our streets," Hotch said from the front seat.

I nodded, climbing out of the car with some trouble due to the tight skirt.

Walking away, I heard Hotch's voice in my earpiece. "Check in with us every ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" I replied, "That's kind of a lot."

"Just do it," I heard Spence say in the background.

_**Spencer**_

I tried not to stare at Sara as she walked away.

How could we let her do this?

And…how could she look so good dressed as a prostitute?

I shook the thought from my mind, almost laughing at how ludicrous it was.

She'll be fine, she'll be fine.

_**Sara**_

I heard a man wolf whistle at me as I walked to the bar. I winked at him, doing my best not to gag.

I could do this. I'd be fine.

Turning towards the bar entrance, I made my way through the throngs of smoke and opened the door.

Hit with a blast of loud music, I walked inside, trying not to fall in my stilettos.

I leaned against the wall, surreptitiously glancing around. Could the unsub be here right now?

There were so many men, I didn't know which way to look. All of them looked like unsub material, they were so creepy.

"It's been ten minutes," Hotch's voice came through the earpiece, startling me.

"Holy shit," I replied, holding my phone up and pretending to be on it, "You scared me. Why couldn't we have just used phones?"

"Earpieces are easier to use in times of emergency," he reminded me.

"Of course, of course," I said, "Well, I'm fine. Ten minutes of nothing but horn dogs everywhere."

"Horn dogs?" he asked, bemused.

"Let me go back to work," I replied quickly, closing the phone.

After half an hour lurking around and checking in with the team several times, I finally sat down at the bar.

I kept looking around the room, trying to see if anyone was suspicious looking.

A few minutes later, I heard one of the bartenders talking to me.

I turned to him, leaning against the bar.

"Anything to drink, hot stuff?" he asked gruffly.

"Tequila, on the rocks," I replied, naming the first drink I thought of.

"Coming right up," he said, grabbing a glass.

I turned back to the crowd until I heard the glass hit the bar in front of me.

"There ya go."

"Thanks," I said, sipping the cold drink.

Surprisingly, there were quite a few women there who looked like prostitutes. I felt slightly less ridiculous, knowing I wasn't the only one there dressed like this.

Realizing what a stupid thought that was, I took another swig of my drink.

This might actually have been relaxing if I wasn't on the lookout for a psychopath.

_**Spencer**_

Rossi and I walked separately, both keeping an eye on the other.

No one stood out- well, they blended as well as they could on a street filled with prostitutes and drug dealers.

"Hey sweetie," said a woman walking towards me, "You look like you could use a pick me up."

"No thanks," I said, quickly turning away.

"You sure?" she asked, grabbing my tie.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I muttered as I hurried off.

_**Sara**_

I continued to sip at my drink after I checked in with Hotch again.

"Once again, nothing's happening," I said before he hung up.

"Boyfriend?" asked the bartender as he cleaned dishes.

"Just an ex. Doesn't like my job," I replied.

"Ah yeah, we get quite a few guys like that in here."

I watched a prostitute talking to a man in the corner. Could this be our guy?

After studying them for a moment, I knew that it couldn't be. He looked highly uncomfortable around her, very unlike our unsub.

A few minutes later, my drink was almost gone and I was starting to feel lightheaded.

"What the hell?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes with my hand.

"You okay?" asked the same bartender who had served me my drink.

"Yeah, fine," I responded, attempting to stand up, but falling onto the bar.

"Hang on, lemme help you," he said, going around the bar and putting his arm around my waist.

"No, no, I'm fine," I said again, staggering slightly.

"Better get you out of here, get some fresh air," the bartender replied, leading me towards the back door.

My vision was starting to blur as I continued to lean on him for support. I could barely see where we were going.

I felt the cool night air hit my face and heard the door shut with a slam.

Then, everything went black.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey guys, sorry it's been so long but the combination of tons of school work and writer's block have made it very difficult to get this written, but here it is. Also, I didn't give up on my other fic-just some more writer's block. Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for reading!**

_**Spencer**_

I heard Hotch over the headset, calling for Sara.

"Felding? Come on, it's been more than ten minutes, just respond. Felding?"

I turned towards Rossi, who had heard it as well. He nodded and we began to speed walk towards the bar, trying not to draw any attention to ourselves.

As we got closer, we broke into a run, noticing the rest of the team reaching us.

"Nothing?" Prentiss asked with concern.

"It's been at least fifteen minutes. It may be nothing, but we have to be on the safe side," Hotch replied, "I'll go inside, Morgan and Reid, go around back. The rest of you, stay out front. Let us know if you see anything."

We nodded, splitting up. I walked quickly with Morgan, trying not to panic.

Reaching the turn to the back entrance of the bar, I pulled out my gun, Morgan doing the same.

He motioned for me to go and followed as I turned around the corner.

We walked slowly, careful not to make any noise.

I tried not to shout when I saw a dark figure dragging what looked like an unconscious woman away from where we were standing.

Morgan ran ahead, yelling when he got closer to the man.  
>"Put your hands up!"<p>

The man looked back quickly and then turned away, throwing whatever, or whoever, he was holding to the ground and beginning to sprint.

"Stop!" I yelled, aiming my gun at him, but he ignored me, running further away.

Morgan and I followed until we finally cornered him at the end of the alley.

"There's nowhere to go," Morgan said, still aiming his gun.

"I am not going to jail," answered the man, slowly putting his hand in his pocket

"You don't want to do that," I yelled.

"Oh yes, I do," he replied, pulling his hand out. Before he could get the gun out of his pocket, I heard a shot ring out.

I didn't even realize that I had shot him until I saw Morgan run over to where he fell.

"He's gone."

I nodded mutely, hurrying back towards where the woman was.

Was it Sara? It couldn't be Sara.

I ran until I reached her, unable to see who it was.

I picked the body up as gently as I could and put it down by the back entrance of the bar, where the light was still shining.

I heard a gasp escape my mouth as I looked down on Sara's face.

Attempting to steady myself, I grabbed my phone. "We need a medic- back of the bar on East Main Street."

I hung up the phone with shaky hands, hearing Morgan walking towards where I was standing.

I knelt down slowly, running a hand through her hair. I could hear her struggling to breathe.

The blood matted her hair and stained my clothes as I stared down at her.

"Please, please be okay," I whispered, running a finger down her cheek.

I kissed her on the forehead gently, willing her to wake up.

"Hotch," Morgan said into his phone, breaking the silence, "We got him. Felding's unconscious and we called a medic."

"We're on our way," Hotch replied before he hung up.

How could I have let this happen? I should have stopped her. I was so concerned with her finding out about me that I didn't realize how much danger she was in.

"Reid," Morgan said quietly, interrupting my thoughts, "It's not your fault."

"Sometimes I really hate working with profilers," I replied with a short laugh as Morgan kneeled on the ground beside me.

"Doesn't take a profiler to see how much you care about her."

I nodded at him silently, jumping when I heard sirens. An ambulance rounded the corner, closely followed by the rest of the team on foot.

"Oh, Felding!" exclaimed JJ, a slight look of shock on her face.

The ambulance came to a halt, a medic jumping out with a gurney.

"Stats?" he asked as he and his coworker lifted Sara onto the stretcher and pushed her towards the ambulance.

"Twenty year old female, head trauma and possible inhalation of the drug Rohypnol," Morgan replied as I stood there with a look of bewilderment.

Why did this always happen to Sara? I was supposed to protect her, but I was never able to.

"Reid, hey, Reid," Hotch said, motioning to the ambulance, "Go with her."

I nodded mutely, climbing in the back and sitting next to her.

"Stats are stable," said one of the medics, checking Sara's vitals, "Nothing more we can do until we get to the hospital."

I stared at Sara, the gauze wrapped around her head. I didn't know if I could do this again. The whole not knowing, waiting to see if she would live.

The ride seemed to take forever, as it always did.

I hated this. Why was it becoming such a part of our lives?

Why was I always in an ambulance with Sara, waiting to see if she would wake up? It should have been me.

I shouldn't have let her do this.


	33. Chapter 33

**Wah, it's been forever since I've updated! Sorry about that, but I finally had a chance to write this chapter! Hope you enjoy it**

_**Spencer**_

"Wake up, wake up," I mumbled, clutching Sara's hand as we reached the hospital. The ambulance slowed to a stop and the medics jumped out, pulling her with them.

I ran behind, all too used to this.

She'll be fine, just fine.

I sat in the waiting room, crossing and uncrossing my legs, watching the clock.

A few hours later, I heard the doors swing open and looked up expectantly.

"Sara Felding's relatives?" the doctor asked.

"Spencer Reid- I'm her boyfriend," I replied hastily, "How is she?"

"We just have to wait for the swelling in her brain to go down. She's asleep now, but she should wake up soon. She won't be fully conscious for a while, so don't worry if she's slightly incoherent at first."

I followed her down the hall, barely thinking as I put one foot in front of the other.

We reached Sara's rooming, stopping right outside of the doorway.

"Now, I have to warn you that she may experience some memory loss. The damage to her brain was extensive, but the scans are good so we're hopeful for the best," the doctor said, motioning me into the room.

I walked in, blinking away the tears as I looked down at Sara.

"Hey, baby," I whispered, sitting down and holding her hand gently, "Seems like we're always here."

I sat there for what seemed like hours, unable to take my eyes off of her.

Suddenly I swore that I had heard something.

"Did you say something?" I whispered.

"Mm," she mumbled, eyes slightly flickering.

"Sara?" I exclaimed, leaning closer to her, "I'm right here."

"N-no," she replied, still unable to open her eyes. She continued to mutter incoherently; I only caught a few words. Loves, fault.

What was she talking about?

I tried not to panic, still holding her hand. "It's okay. I'm here. You're going to be okay."

"Stop, stop," she responded, her hand twitching in mine as she struggled to push me away.

I pulled back my hand quickly, unsure of what was happening.

"It wasn't his fault," Sara muttered.

"Who's fault?" I asked, finally deciding to go with it.

"My boyfriend's. He didn't mean to. He loves me."

I could almost feel my jaw drop as I realized who she was talking about. Who she had to be talking about.

Jesse.

Of all things for her to wake up to, she had to remember being attacked by her ex-boyfriend?

"Jesse?" I asked quietly, not knowing what to do.

"Yeah," she trailed off, finally opening her eyes, "He didn't mean to."

"Are you sure?"

Sara looked at me with blank eyes, faltering slightly. "W-who are you?"

"I'm Spencer," I said softly, "I'm going to go get the doctor."

I left the room, taking a deep breath and trying not to cry.

Be strong. It's going to be alright.

"Excuse me?" I asked the doctor, my voice wavering, "Can you come in here?"

"Of course!" he said, shuffling his charts, "Is she awake yet?"

"Yeah, she… she doesn't remember anything. I think she thinks her ex-boyfriend pushed her down the stairs again or something."

"Oh?" he asked with concern as we walked into the room. "Hello, Sara. It's nice to see you awake."

"Are you the doctor?" she said softly, rolling her head to the side.

"Yes I am, now I want to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?"

"Mhm."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Mm… a hospital… in Connecticut?" she mused quietly, eyes questioning the doctor.

"And what's the date?" he replied, shooting me a quick look to not question him.

"It's- it's… well, March 2010?" she guessed.

"I'm sorry, Sara. It's November 2011- you're in Dallas and there's been an accident."

"You're kidding," she said flatly.

"No, I'm sorry. Hopefully this isn't permanent. Spencer here is going to help you remember everything," the doctor responded, looking at me.

"Are you a doctor too?" Sara asked, eyes flicking towards me.

"Not exactly," I replied.

"I have to go see other patients," the doctor interrupted, "Try to help her with remembering, but let her rest if she gets too tired."

I nodded, turning back towards Sara as he exited the room.

"Not exactly?" she asked when we were alone.

"I do have a PhD, but not in this. I'm… I'm actually your boyfriend," I said, unsure of how else to broach the topic.

"M-my boyfriend?" she replied, opening her eyes widely, "What about- Jesse?"

"You know what he did to you, Sara."

"He didn't mean to," she said, her heading turning towards the side again.

"Are you tired?"

She nodded slightly, eyes drooping.

"S-Spencer?" she asked hesitantly.

"Mhm?" I replied.

"Can… can you hold my hand? I don't wanna be alone," she mumbled almost shyly.

"Of course," I responded, grasping her hand gently.

"Thank you," Sara muttered, closing her eyes and shifting in the bed, "Don't let Jesse see."


	34. Chapter 34

**Ah it's been so long! I just never seem to make the time to write this.**

**Honestly, if you ever feel like it's time I updated or you have ideas or anything, leave a comment or shoot me a message please! I just get sidetracked with everything else, but anyways, let me know if you like this chapter :D**

_**Spencer**_

I woke up the next morning, the lights from the hospital blinding me for a moment.

Everything about yesterday flooded back to me and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Would today be any better?

I looked over at Sara who was still sleeping, face turned towards the door.

Getting up quietly, I left the room to call Hotch.

"Reid, how is she?" he answered quickly.

"She's still sleeping now, but… Hotch, she doesn't remember me," I said, my voice cracking slightly.

I heard him sigh into the phone. "I'm sorry, Reid. We all are. Do you want us to come see her? It might help."

I thought it over for a minute. "Not today. I think that much would overwhelm her. Maybe tomorrow."

"Whenever you want us, we'll be there," Hotch responded.

"Thanks. I gotta go find the doctor. I'll see you soon."

"Of course. If you need anything, just give us a call."

I snapped my phone shut, glad that I had the team's support.

True to my word, I continued down the hallway to find the doctor.

"Doctor McNamara?" I asked as I approached him.

"Oh, hello Mr. Reid. Is Sara awake?" he responded, turning towards me.

"Not yet. I… um, I just had some questions. Do you- do you think Sara will regain her memory?"

The doctor paused for a moment, looking through his files. "I think it's very likely according to her charts. In fact, she could improve marginally today."

I racked my brain, trying to remember everything I read about brain trauma.

"So, when she starts to improve will it be in stages? Will she wake up each day at a different step in her life?" I asked, wording my questions carefully.

"That's a very interesting question, Mr. Reid. Many cases have been like that, but each person's different. We'll just have to wait and see how Sara improves."

I was about to thank him when I heard a screech from down the hallway.

"SPENCER!" the same voice yelled.

I ran towards Sara's room, barely thinking.

"Sara, Sara, it's okay!" I said, putting my hands on her shoulders.

She collapsed into me as I wrapped my arms around her, trying to stop her shaking.

"I- I thought you left me," she mumbled into my chest, breathing heavily.

"I'd never leave you," I replied as I ran a hand through her hair.

Sara leaned back in the bed, trying to control her breath.

I sat next to her, just holding her hand while she closed her eyes and breathed in and out.

About ten minutes later, her eyes fluttered open again and she looked at me with a slight look of embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry about that. I mean, I just met you. I shouldn't be screaming for you after what he… what happened."

I gaped at her for a second, but closed my mouth quickly. Progress! Slight, but still, it gave me hope.

"Hang on, I'm going to go get the doctor," I said hastily as I ran out the door.

I almost walked right into the doctor in my hurry.

"Sorry about that, I had to check on other patients. How is she doing?" Doctor McNamara asked kindly.

"She thinks she just met me and that it's right after her ex-boyfriend hurt her the last time," I replied quickly.

"This poor girl's past!" he exclaimed, "But that's progress at least. We'll have to take her in for another CT, but this is promising."

I followed him back into her room, allowing myself to become a little hopeful. She could recover. She could remember us.

"Good morning, Sara, how are you feeling today?" the doctor asked her.

"I… well, my head hurts. Which is weird because he- he cut me. And burned me," she said slowly, "And… what. Why does none of that hurt?"

I could see her starting to panic so I moved closer, grabbing her hand.

"It's alright," I mumbled to her, stroking her thumb with mine.

"Sara, you've had some brain trauma which has caused you lose your memory," Doctor McNamara told her gently.

Her eyes widened as she tried to absorb this information.

She nodded as he continued, telling her that she had a very good chance of regaining her memory.

"Now, Spencer here is going to stay with you. I'll be back to take you for a CT later."

"Okay, thank you doctor," she replied as he exited the room.

She sighed as she leaned back in her bed once more.

"So… what's the date?" she asked quietly.

"November 21st, 2011," I answered.

"But…. But all I remember is Jesse. And I had just met you… wait a sec. It's been over a year then. And you're- you're still here?" she asked, looking up at me with confusion.

"Where did you think I'd go?" I asked with a sad smile.

"I thought you'd find someone better. And then, when I was in that barn. I thought I was going to die and never get to see your face again. And then in the ambulance…. I tried to open my eyes because all I wanted to do was look at you. I thought that if I saw you I could at least die knowing someone cared," she said, hiccupping slightly.

"I do care. And I'm so glad you're here."

"Can you tell me about … well, about what's been happening?" she asked almost shyly.

"Well, you joined the BAU, and you're great at your job. You were in the hospital once after being shot by an unsub, but you recovered. And we've been living together since you joined the BAU…" I trailed off, unsure of what her reaction would be.

"Living together?" she echoed quietly, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Yes. And… okay I'm going to say this and it will probably scare you, but I want you to know that I love you. I'll love you no matter what, even if you don't remember us," I replied, blinking back tears.

"You- you love me?"

"Yeah, I do."


	35. Chapter 35

**Uh…. Sorry about the 9 month gap. Yeah, I suck, but at least I'm back!**

_**Spencer**_

The next week was painfully slow, Sara starting to remember.

One morning, more than a week after the attack, I woke up to Sara hitting me lightly on the shoulder. I had fallen asleep, face on the hospital bed with my arms supporting me.

"Morning," I answered, exhausted from everything.

Guessing she'd still think she was about to enter the FBI Academy, I didn't have high expectations.

"What the fuck happened?" she said in response, making me sit straight up.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, trying not to get my hopes up.

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. "All I remember was dressing up like a damn hooker and drinking that stupid drink from that stupid bartender."

"Oh thank god," I murmured, leaning in and kissing her forehead, "Thank you, thank you."

Sara stared at me, utterly perplexed.

"Care to explain?" she asked, blinking at me with confusion.

"The bartender," I started slowly, "Um, he was the unsub. And he drugged your drink."

Sara sighed leaning back against the bed.

"Let's just forget this."

"…Forget what?" I replied, having no idea what she was talking about.

"Me always getting hurt and being the victim. Let's just start over. Hi, I'm Sara and I'm in the FBI and I don't always end up in the hospital," she said, sticking her hand out towards me.

I shook it slowly, certainly questioning her thought process.

"Hi, I'm Spencer and I love you, and I would even if you always ended up in the hospital."

_**Sara**_

A few days later, I was released from the hospital, the nurses wishing me farewell, as though I had known them forever.

Then again, I had probably talked to them every day for the past two weeks.

I shrugged to myself, leaning my head back as Spence drove me home. At least I remembered what happened now. Not that I really wanted to, but whatever.

_**Spencer**_

We finally pulled into the driveway and I opened the door for Sara.

"Welcome back," I whispered, kissing her temple. She grinned slightly before walking over and sinking on the couch.

I sat down next to her, smiling as she laid her legs across me and propped herself up on the arm of the couch.

"I've missed you," I said simply, rubbing her hand with my thumb.

"I'm pretty sure you've talked to me every day," she retorted.

"You know what I mean."

Sara nodded, suddenly tapping on my arm.

"Uh, what?" I replied ever so intelligently.

"Can you lean a little closer? You got a little something-" she said, gesturing to my face.

I sheepishly leaned towards her, startled when she pulled my head down, lips meeting mine.

"I missed you, too," she said quietly as she kissed me, hands playing with my hair.

I leaned into her, ending up between her and the back couch cushions as she twisted towards me.

_**Sara**_

"Time for work!" I exclaimed, shaking Spencer awake. He grumbled slightly, rolling over on the couch. I ran my hands through his hair, kissing him on the forehead. "Get up!"

"Why are you always so excited to go back to work?" he muttered, pulling the blanket up towards his face.

"Because I always miss so much of it, now get up!"

"Fine, fine, at least let me get some coffee."

_**Spencer**_

Sara drove us to work, babbling excitedly about being back.

"I can't believe it's been a whole week, how many cases did you guys have?" she asked, pulling into the parking lot.

"Well…" I admitted sheepishly, "They had two."

"They?"

"Come on, you know I couldn't leave you."

"Oh, so you didn't get restless like last time?" she asked with a playful smirk.

I remembered the last time all too well- when she had been in the coma.

"Joking!" she exclaimed after seeing my face fall, "Anyway, let's get inside."

_**Sara**_

"Hey Jayje! Good to be back!" I said enthusiastically, "New case?"

"Yep, this one's in Las Vegas," JJ replied, shooting a glance at Spencer.

Hotch walked towards us, nodding in greeting. "Briefing on the plane in thirty minutes. Glad to have you back, Felding."

As the pair walked away, I looked at Spencer. "Las Vegas? Is this important? Because please, if another one of your ex-girlfriend's friends is missing and she's gonna be there, please, let me know."

Spencer's mouth dropped open for a second.

"I am kidding! Once again, you need a sense of humour."

"I have a sense of humour!" he exclaimed defensively.

"I know," I sighed, kissing him quickly, "Now what's up with Vegas?"

"That's… that's where my mother lives."

I thought back to our last conversation involving his mother- one that had not ended well in the least.

"Oh… are you going to visit her after the case?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head. "I was thinking that, if there was time, and if you wanted to, we could, uh, visit her together. I think she'd like to meet my wonderful girlfriend."

"I- I'd love to! If you're really okay with it."

"Yeah, I think it's about time."

_**Spencer**_

A few days later, the latest case was just about done, with only paperwork left.

Derek looked over at me knowingly, "Why don't you guys take a break? Prentiss and I can finish up."

"Yeah, and then I think we all deserve a free day or two in Vegas," Prentiss added with a smile.

"Don't work too hard," Sara said, "And thanks."

_**Sara**_

I could see the anxiety in Spencer's face as he drove towards what he had said was called the Bennington Sanitarium.

"Spence, it's going to be okay," I said slowly, trying to calm his nerves.

"It's just- she's my mother and I love her but sometimes it's hard," he rambled, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, mouth twitching as he struggled to keep his poker face.

"I think you should pull over," I replied, not expecting him to comply as quickly as he did.

He parked on the side of the road, hands still tight around the wheel, knuckles white.

"Is it always this bad when you see her?" I asked, unaware if he always got this stressed.

"N-no," he admitted, "I'm just scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of Spence."

"Schizophrenia, it can be hereditary. I could develop symptoms; I could forget who you are. I- I'm just afraid you'll see how bad it can be and freak out."

I shook my head. "Even if you… have it? Is that the correct terminology? Even if, even if it scares me and it scares you, that would never be enough to make me leave you."

I grabbed his hands, slowly prying them off the wheel.

He looked at me, eyes wide with what appeared to be shock.

"You hear that? Nothing you say or do is ever gonna scare me off. You're stuck with me."


End file.
